The Story of Life at the Evans

6 Months Home - A Progress Report

2012-01-07T10:29:00.000-05:00

Today is quite an anniversary! We've been home with Vera for 6 months. Unbelievable, isn't it? Half a year. It's also Christmas Day in Ukraine.

It's been a rough week here. One of those weeks where I wonder how long this will last.

The stimming.

The defiance.

The tantrums.

This update is more for me than it is for you. I need to see some progress. So, I've been keeping notes and trying to remember how life was 6 months ago when we first came home and how it is now. I've been encouraged as the list has grown. This list is in no particular order...just as I thought of them...

Vera rarely does her jerking thing in the car anymore and never does it on the toilet or at the dinner table.

She has gotten over her fascination with paper products. In the beginning, we had to watch her closely with TP, Kleenex, paper towels, etc. She would tear up a roll of TP, square by square, and throw it away. She would remove Kleenex tissues from the box one by one and put them in the trash. Same with paper towels. She hasn't done this since I removed all the TP from the trash can and made her use it until it was gone. She did NOT like using anything that had been in the trash can, even though it was still perfectly clean. It took care of the problem, though.

When Vera had her occupational therapy evaluation at the beginning of October, she couldn't connect two dots with a straight line. She couldn't write a 't'. My nephew's first birthday was last month and I had Vera sign his card. I wrote the letters on a piece of paper and she copied what I wrote. The little thing that looks like an ice cream cone is her "R". She did pretty good, didn't she?

Vera also could not stack more than 4 blocks in October. Look at what she can do now.

She couldn't string beads in October. Now making bead jewelry is a regular activity for Vera.

Vera can play Candy Land and Chutes & Ladders, though we still have to help her through it. She sometimes likes to play by her own rules and gets upset if we ask her to play correctly.

She just about has all the colors down.

She can count to 4. I admit that I'm frustrated she can't count to 10 yet. I count to 10 out loud every day while we stretch. I probably do it 30 times a day, at least. I'm sure she'll get there, but I figured she would've had counting to 10 down by now.

Vera's English is coming along, though most people need help with translation. She talks like a toddler, but she's getting there. Her vocabulary has grown exponentially. She used to end any word ending in 'ing' with 'et' instead. "Mommy, what you maket dinner tonight?" Jon and I would joke about who got to 'rocket' Vera at bedtime. We're working on the 'h' sound right now. She gets it mixed up with 'g'. Help is gelp. Home is gome. Hurt is gurt. We're also working on the 'k' sound. Cold is hold. We're working on the 'th' sound, too. That one is really hard for her. I wonder if it's a CP thing because it's almost like her tongue can't do it.

I mentioned in my last post that Mine does not come up very often anymore. Hurray!

Vera does not scream and fight me during stretching any more. She used to scream, quite loudly, during this daily routine. She would yell, "Ouchie! Ouchie!" and you would've thought I was torturing her. She would yell 'Ouchie' before I even touched her. If any adults were here (like Jon home on weekends) she would yell for them. "Daddy! Ouchie! Daddy!" Or she would yell for me if Jon was stretching her. She would yell for Jon's mom or dad when they came to visit. It was really awful and I'm so glad we're past this phase.

Vera does still have tantrums, but I must say that they're not nearly as often and definitely not as long. She doesn't (usually) scream for hours in a day anymore, though we do still have an occasional bad day (yesterday was one of those). I hope that someday I forget our worst day. When I started keeping track, she had screamed for at least 4 hours over the course of the day. I think it was more like 6 though. The big kids and I were very weary at the end of that day.

Vera has not had a rage since the week of Thanksgiving. We went to Illinois for the week and Vera suffered big time regression. I don't think it was too soon. I think Vera would've reacted the same way no matter how long we waited for our first trip away from home. But, she couldn't handle the change in routine. She had a HUGE rage...huge...she was like a wild animal. I was sore for days from restraining her from hurting herself and me. It was a long, tiring, stressful week, but we sure did enjoy visiting Jon's family. All that to say, the rages are few and far between these days. Hallelujah!

Vera with a few of her cousins!

She used to FREAK OUT if she couldn't find something. Usually whatever she was looking for was stuck in her shirt or she was sitting on it. Sometimes it would be right in front of her or next to her and she just couldn't see it. She would cry and scream if she couldn't find something. She doesn't do that anymore. We're so thankful for this progress because she loses things at least 12 times a day. She lost a headband at the grocery store a few weeks ago, after we all advised her to leave it the van so she wouldn't lose it. I was so impressed with how well she handled it. She asked if we could go walk through the whole store to find it and didn't even cry when I said, "No." Our girl is growing up. Of course, I write this out and then yesterday Vera lost a marker. She SCREAMED for at least an hour..."Marker! Marker! I want my marker! Where's my marker?!" I finally put her in bed and made her stay there until she was calm. At some point during the screaming, I said, "Vera! It's a MARKER! Is it really worth all this?" Apparently it was. At the end of the day, Vera found the marker...right where she had left it. Go ahead and chuckle. I am.

Vera will now ask for things and say 'please' instead of saying, "Give me". Most of the time.

She will now watch videos. When we first came home she wanted nothing to do with television. I know that's a good thing, but it's also nice to be able to put on a video while I take a shower or make dinner and know that she'll sit there and not get into trouble.

6 months ago Vera did not know how to give hugs or kisses. It took time and daily teaching, but she now gives the best hugs. And she says "I love you" all day long. "I luh you, Mommy. You GOOD mommy." She must say it 20 times a day. She says it even more after a tantrum. Sometimes I wonder if she has tantrums on purpose just to see if I'm still going to love her afterwards. The things she has tantrums over are strange. Last weekend I told Vera to go get dressed and you would've thought the world was coming to an end. As Vera thumped down the hallway to her room, screaming the whole way, Jon and I looked at each other and said, "Where did THAT come from?! Really? All that about getting dressed?" Jon and I believe that most of the time, if not all, she controls the tantrums. By that I mean that when it would seem to others like she's out of control with her screaming and crying, we just have to say the right thing and she stops. There's no slowing down like when a toddler is calming down from a fit. Vera's prized possession is still her watch. When she's in the middle of a long tantrum, if I tell her to stop screaming at Mommy, she will turn to my nearest ear and scream with all her might. But if I say "If you continue to scream at Mommy, you will lose your watch," she will always stop INSTANTLY. No slowing down or taking deep breaths. It's like she can flip a switch. I really don't like to threaten like that, but it's the only thing that makes her stop screaming. Some of you may disagree with this tactic, but we tell Vera that if she's going to act like a baby we're going to treat her like one and babies don't wear watches.

I can now take a shower and not have to worry what Vera is doing to the pets and others.

Going to regular places does not overwhelm Vera anymore. We can now go to church AND out to lunch with friends and we (usually) don't pay for it when we get home. I can take her grocery shopping and not worry about tantrums and stimming. We can have dinner with friends in their homes and we don't leave with a kicking, screaming Vera anymore. That's been a welcomed change.

Vera can now sit through church and Jon and I can sort of pay attention. Most Sundays. We do still sit in the very back close to a door since we still occasionally have to remove her because she chooses to misbehave. And I do mean she chooses it. The little smirk on her face tells us she knows exactly what she's doing. I just wish I knew why she enjoys making these little scenes. I know it's one of those control issues, but it never ends well for her.

Vera seems to be moving through the 'why' stage and is almost finished, I hope. I thought it was going to kill us all. She didn't just ask 'why' about normal things. If we said we liked something, she asked 'why?' (She still does this occasionally.) If I told her it was time for breakfast or time for bed, 'why?' If I said I was hungry, 'why?' She would ask things like, "Is this baftub?" "Yes." "Why?" She did that about everything from clothes to food to...everything in the house. "Why Mommy take shower?" "Why Mommy make dinner?" "Why Mommy wash dishes?" At the grocery store, she would ask 'why' about everything I put in the cart. "Why Mommy buy dis? Why Mommy buy dat?" She would literally ask 'why' from the time she got up til the time she went to bed. Oy! At PT, whenever the therapist would tell Vera to do something, she would ask 'why?' We had several talks about it and I told Vera that at PT, Miss Anitra is in charge and you don't ask 'why'. You just do it. We nipped that in the bud. Sweet, patient Anitra would take time to answer all of Vera's whys and more time was being spent in conversation than PT. I wasn't wasting my time or money on conversation!

And speaking of PT, Vera is doing such a great job! I wish we could afford to go more than once a week...it's been so good for Vera. We love her therapist, Miss Anitra. She is awesome! Just the right amount of firmness and fun. I'm still not sure what we're going to do when Vera's 20 visits covered by insurance are up for the year. I hate to give up Miss Anitra, though. We'd like to get a few more things so we can do more work at home...a Bosu ball for one. If any of you have one collecting dust or taking up needed space, I'd love to take it off your hands for you. And I need to get some sort of step stool for Vera so she can get in the van by herself. We want Vera to be as physically independent as possible. Plus, she's only going to keep growing and I'm not going to be able to lift her into the van forever. She could probably climb in, but it would be a slow, frustrating process. Plus we can't have the princess getting dirty, can we? Someone suggested an aerobic stool since they're wider and are more stable than a regular step stool. We also want to get Vera a tricycle, but they get a bit pricey when you need one big enough for a large 6 year old. And I'm betting it would need to be adapted a bit for her.

Vera rode this tricycle all the way down this very long hallway.

I was amazed that she could do it!

She loves the days that she gets to ride the tricycle at PT!

Something like this in pink would be perfect for her, don't you think?

We don't have the 'safe' conversation every day anymore, though it did come up for awhile when she lost her first tooth. The tooth fairy came. We learned the hard way that this was not a good idea. If the tooth fairy can get in and take her tooth, what's to stop the tooth fairy from taking Vera? What's to stop anyone else from getting in the house if the tooth fairy can get in? How can Vera be safe if the tooth fairy can just come in and take her teeth? So, no more tooth fairy. We really should've known better, but we hadn't had the 'safe' conversation in quite awhile. We just weren't thinking. If people come for a visit and spend the night, one of the first things Vera wants to know is if they will keep her safe. Will they hit and kick and bite anyone who tries to take her? It was one of the first things she asked my mom when she came to visit. We're getting ready for company this week and I'm very curious to see if Vera asks this question of them.

Vera LOVES co-op and was quite unhappy when I told her we took a break between Thanksgiving and the New Year. She asked me almost every day how many more days until we went to co-op. By the end of our first semester, her teachers could understand some of what she said. They were quite impressed with how far Vera had come since the beginning of the semester. I put her in the kindergarten class and it was a good fit for her. She is still way, way, WAY behind her peers in every way, but co-op has been good for her. Vera is looking forward to beginning her 2nd semester on Tuesday. A few weeks ago, one of the boys in Vera's Sunday School class made the comment that 'every 6 year old can write their name.' I confess that it stung a little and I wished I could plug Vera's ears that very second. He was sitting next to Vera and by the look on her face, she heard him. She understood. She knows that almost every kid in her co-op class and Sunday School class can write their names. She knows that she can't. Yet.

Notice anything odd about this photo?

No? That's because there isn't anything odd to see! Not anymore, anyway. Vera is using her RIGHT HAND to control the mouse. This is huge, people. HUGE! Vera used to use her stronger, left hand...awkward, isn't it?
We got Vera her very own computer game for Christmas and by day two of playing it, she was using her right hand for the mouse. We were very excited with this development. One of our goals has been to draw that right arm out from her body and using the mouse is doing just that. She loves her new game and thanks me for it every day that she gets to play it.

Remember when I shared the videos and begged for help with Vera's 'episodes'? Let me update about that as well. I've been meaning to for awhile. The long and short of it is that this has improved. I need to remind myself of that because it's definitely not over. Nor do I see an end in sight. Several of Vera's doctors have told us to interrupt Vera when she stims and not to let her do it. There are several reasons for this, but that's for another post. Vera does not try to stim at all times of the day anymore like she was doing when I wrote that post. Now it's only at bedtime and first thing in the morning. Occasionally she will start if music is playing. Sometimes she tries while we sing at church. Music is definitely a trigger, as is lying down. If she's ever playing on the floor and ends up lying down, she will try to stim. So we don't let her lay down during the day. At bedtime I remove anything that makes music from her room because when she wakes up she'll get those toys and stim to the music. We've been rocking her to sleep in an effort to break the bedtime stimming habit. She was waking up with normal hair. Until recently. We discovered that she's been faking falling asleep and would stim when we laid her down and left her room. She is quite a good, little faker. She still sucks her fingers at bedtime and she would relax, her fingers would fall out of her mouth, her arm would fall to her side. Anyone would believe she's asleep. But Jon and I were on to her since her morning hair is our gauge. We began lying her down and pretending to leave her room. As soon as she thought we had left and shut the door, she would start her rocking. It was immediate. And SO frustrating! Now that we're on to her, we stay in her room long after lying her down until we're positive that she's asleep. We noticed that Vera recently started brushing her own hair in the mornings and realized she was trying to hide her stimming. Yep, she's a smart one. She also figured out how I knew when she stimmed in the mornings. I could always hear her feet kicking the floor. Her solution? She now stays in bed and stims so I don't hear the thumping. So then I was listening on the baby monitor for her odd breathing. We just put in a video monitor so we can watch and not guess about what Vera is doing at bedtime and first thing in the morning. It had gotten to the point that I was hardly sleeping because I was always listening for Vera's stimming breathing. This momma needed a good night's rest, let me tell ya! We've had the video monitor for two days now and it is my new best friend. I wish we had bought it months ago!

All in all, we really have come a LONG way over the past 6 months. People keep reminding me that we have 6 YEARS of institutionalization to overcome. The past 6 months, well 7 really, have probably been the hardest, most stressful months of my entire life. I can't even imagine how hard and stressful they've been for Vera. While Vera was thrown into it with people she barely knew, with a language she couldn't speak, in a culture quite different from her own, I had/have an awesome circle of support. I wish I could put into words just how thankful I am for the love, meals, encouragement, help and prayers that we've received. As much I'd like it to be, it's not going to be a short, easy road. But nothing worth doing is ever easy, right? I know I couldn't do this without God, Jon, my big kids and all of you who have lavished so much love and care upon us.

Happy 6 Month Anniversary Home, Vera!

Mine

2011-12-02T16:54:00.001-05:00

Whatever is under the whole heaven is Mine.

Job 41:11

If I never hear the word 'Mine' again, it will be too soon. Vera doesn't ask if EVERY SINGLE THING in the house is hers multiple times a day anymore, but it does still come up daily. "Is this mine?" She asks the question about things that she's asked about at least a hundred times. Does she think the answer is going to change? A few weeks ago she asked me if the videos are hers. I told her for the 192nd time that no, the movies are for everyone, but that she could watch them if she wanted to. That led to her removing a whole shelf of movies and dumping them on the floor as she screamed, "MINE! MINE!". Which led to a consequence which led to a tantrum which escalated to a rage.

Sigh.

Mine. The worst 4 letter word in the dictionary if you ask me.

I know all kids go through the 'mine' stage. But with Vera it is so intense.

We got our Christmas tree up this week. Finally! Last year when we put all our Christmas things away, I filled a box of ornaments for Leanna so that when we got our things out this year she would feel included. One of the ornaments has a baby picture of her. Another one has a photo of her from last summer when she was here. Another is a pretty, sparkly "L." We needed new stockings anyway, so one day after Christmas Abbi and I set out shopping and found 6 new stockings for our family.

The other day I was marveling at how God worked this for good.

As soon as the boxes of ornaments came out Vera started asking where hers were. She didn't want to know IF there were any for her. She wanted to know which ones were hers. Sometimes I wonder what she's thinking. She'll look at our family picture in the living room (which we really need to update!) and ask why she's not in it. She'll take out photo albums and ask where she is. Why doesn't she have a baby album like the older 3 kids? We went to Illinois last week for Thanksgiving and we drove by the apartment we lived in when Jacob was born. We were pointing things out to him and from the back we hear Vera ask, "Why not me?" As in, why wasn't she there too? So, what is she thinking? Does she think I gave birth to her, dropped her off in a Ukrainian baby house and came back 6 years later to bring her home? I wish I knew.

Anyway, the way God prompted me last year to have ornaments and a stocking ready for this year just amazes me. I removed the ornaments with photos of Leanna and gave the box to Vera. She looked at me and asked, 'these mine?' Oh, she was thrilled to have her own box of ornaments to help decorate the tree. And decorate she did.

My Christmas elves.

This last photo was taken shortly after a tantrum. After we finished the tree, Vera was trying to find one of her ornaments. Do you see how big the tree is? Do you have any idea how many ornaments we have? I told Vera I had no idea where this one particular ornament was but that it was okay because I didn't know where all of mine were either. And Jacob didn't know where all of his were and Caleb didn't know where all of his were, etc., etc. But I DO know that they are all on the tree somewhere. Well, that wasn't good enough and Vera started to cry. So the big kids were taking ornaments off asking Vera, "Is this the one you're looking for?" No. No. No. More crying. I pulled Vera onto my lap and tried to tell her that it really didn't matter where her ornaments were. They were all on the tree and they would stay on the tree until after Christmas and then we'd take them all off and wrap them all back up and put them back in the boxes until next Christmas.

Well, that did it.

She started screaming, "MINE! MINE!" She wanted to take her ornaments off the tree and put them in her room. I repeated the above, that all the ornaments would stay on the tree until after Christmas and then they would all get put away. I told her we keep them all together so that none of them get lost.

She wouldn't have it. The crying and screaming continued.

I gave Vera the choice of calming down and staying in the living room with the family or going to her room by herself if she was going to keep crying. It was almost 7 and I hadn't even started dinner yet. She got up and walked to her room, screaming the whole way. Sometimes she just needs a few minutes alone to pull herself together. I was hoping this was one of those times. When Vera came out of her room a few minutes later, we took this photo.
The other day something hit me. It was one of those "DUH" moments and I couldn't believe I hadn't put it together before now. I have several pictures of Vera at her orphanage opening gifts. On at least 3 different occasions. I never saw one of those gifts when we were there. We didn't even come home with the gifts we gave to Vera the first day we met her. A few of the things were Abbi's and had sentimental value. I was looking forward to having pictures of Abbi AND Vera playing with a few of these things. I will never have those photos. I know it's not that big of a deal and I should get over it. I'm trying, but I'm still a bit bitter about it. We brought those things to Vera because we wanted her to have them. Where did they go? We know they were in her locker the day before we busted her out. But when we cleaned out her locker the next day, the things we had brought her were gone. I didn't realize it at the time or I would've asked. It was such an emotional, roller-coaster-of-a-day the last thing I was thinking about was what was coming out of Vera's locker.

Anyway, what about the other gifts that I have photos of Vera opening? Where did they go? Why weren't they in her locker? NO WONDER she has issues with 'mine.' Everything that was ever given to her was taken away! We've been home almost 5 months and I'm still not over coming home without the gifts we gave to Vera. How much harder is it for a 6 year old to get over having her gifts taken away? Perhaps my new understanding will give me an extra dose of patience the next time 'mine' comes up.

Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding.

Proverbs 3:13

A Grammy’s Perspective

2011-11-29T13:59:00.000-05:00

My mom came to visit 2 weeks ago. She was here for the twins' birthday and it was her first time meeting Vera. During her first afternoon/evening here, she asked me a lot of questions about Vera. Does she still do this? Does she still do that? Things I've talked about here. I usually said, 'No, she hasn't done that in awhile' or 'I can't remember the last time she did that.' It made me realize just how far we've come in our short 4 1/2 months home with Vera. It also made me realize that I'm a very bad blogger and really need to keep you all updated better about Vera's progress. It's hard to see the progress sometimes since I'm here every day. It's good for me to be able to look back and see so many improvements, so I'll try to do better about keeping you all informed. Anyway, I asked my mom if she would write a guest post for the blog and talk about Vera through her eyes. What was she expecting and how does she see Vera? Was she surprised by anything? Mom agreed to share her thoughts with you.

Without further ado...Grammy's Perspective

Honestly, I was quite nervous to meet Vera for the first time. Amy sent me numerous e-mails warning me about this and cautioning me about that; on many levels I was not looking forward to the trip across the country. I was expecting a 6 year old, non-English speaking, crippled little bag of terror.

Well, my fears disappeared as soon as I met her. She was a happy, giggly, curious little thing and I even understood some of what she had to say (my ability to understand “Vera speak” would improve immensely during my four day visit). Once we got home, then the real fun began. She had to look through my purse (I’d forgotten that she likes to inspect these) and wanted to know what everything was for. Amy thought it was amusing that I had so much “emergency food”, but hey, you never know when it’ll come in handy. Anyway, that was fun and with each passing hour, I understood her better. I was really impressed at dinner time though. Wow, what an appetite this little tike has! And she feeds herself; every single bite! It took her a little longer than the rest of us, but bless her heart, she ate every bite. Amy says the only things she doesn’t like are egg salad and baked beans and she thought it was a texture thing. She went to bed without an issue and it didn’t take Amy long to rock her to sleep. So after day one, I was wondering what all the warnings were about.

On day 2, we just hung out at home. I watched Amy put Vera through one hour of stretching exercises and was happy to see that they were all yoga poses. Vera didn’t put up a fight and worked hard and chatted throughout the hour. She and I spent some time in her room each day coloring, or playing with her doll house (she doesn’t know how to pretend so I had to make all the figures do and say everything), or just chatting. She was enchanting! Oh I almost forgot…..seeing Vera come out of her room first thing in the morning is a sight to behold. I was used to seeing her walk with her AFO’s. First thing in the morning is a different story. Poor little thing, she’s really all over the place and needs the walls to keep her from falling; but she still has that engaging smile on her face the entire day! And she doesn’t want help going up or down the stairs; she wants to do it! It was interesting to me to hear her use the same inflections that the other family members use, especially when talking to Toby (the dog). You just have to hear her say “Oh Toby” and that tone has Evans family all over it. So day 2 ended with no tantrums or screaming or problems. I told the kids that I really thought they were making these Vera tantrum stories up! (Amy here - just have to say that this made Jacob and I laugh...oh, if Mom only knew!)

Day 3 was Caleb and Abbi’s 12^th birthday!
Abbi was to celebrate her day the next night with a sleepover and Caleb’s celebration was at a future day. So Abbi and Amy made a homemade strawberry cake!
That took a while, so we played some board games. Vera wanted to play, but of course, didn’t know how. She was good about not getting to play though and was happy watching the craziness going on. That night we went to The Red Lobster for a birthday dinner, and again, Vera put away the food!

On day 4 (my last full day L) we went to Target so Abbi could look for something to get with her gift card. I offered to stay in the car with Vera so the trip could be faster, but Amy said no, Vera needs to walk. And walk she did. It takes her a very long time (by our standards) to get from point A to point B. But she did it and does it without complaint and with that constant grin. We went into a Toys r Us while we were there and I thought Oh Oh, Vera’s going to want everything she sees. But she was perfectly happy just to look and ask questions and giggle. That night we ordered in pizza and while talking over dinner, the subject of Pata came up (my husband). She was very curious about him and Amy showed her a photo of him. More questions. One question was why didn’t Pata wear a watch? Vera loves watches and thinks everyone should wear one. So I explained, as much as I could, and hoping she would understand, that Pata had an injury and hurt his neck, and now his hands and feet hurt all the time; so it hurts him to wear a watch. All this time Vera was looking at me and her little face got sad, and when I was done she said……Oh, po (poor) Pata. I almost thought she was going to cry and Amy and I didn’t want that, so we told her it was OK; Pata was fine, he just can’t wear a watch. I wish I could have made a video of that, it was SO sweet. She had so much compassion for someone she didn’t even know.

So, at bedtime, I got to experience her first (since I’d been there) tantrum. (Amy here again - this made me smile. This was not a tantrum. This was what we call fussiness. My mom never did get to experience a tantrum or rage, for which I am grateful!) She must have cried for an hour and a half while Amy was trying to get her to sleep. I was worried that she was upset over the Pata story, but Amy said no. Poor Amy; I so wish I was closer so I could help her out. But I digress.

My journey must come to a close and my head and heart are filled with Vera. I told Amy earlier in the week that I don’t think of Vera as having CP; she’s just a little girl who hasn’t been allowed to grow up normally, as we know normal. The occupational therapy that she needs is just being a child. She’s behind other children her age, but advanced leaps and bounds during my four days; (not because of me, just because she devours knowledge and activity). While we were at Target, Amy bought 26 little wooden, alphabet blocks, the kind two year olds play with. Six year old Vera loved them. A few weeks earlier, during a therapy evaluation, Vera couldn’t stack 4, so the goal became 10, that’s why Amy bought them. After Abbi and Vera played with them and made stacking them a game, she was stacking 11…… within an hour!
Wow! Then they decided (with our urging) to try it with one hand behind their backs. This would encourage Vera to use her weak right side and make it look like a game. She could stack 4 with her weak hand! I was so impressed and proud!

So I guess that’s it. I’m not afraid anymore and can’t wait to see her again. And for those of you who wonder what it’s like, to suddenly have a new grandchild, who’s adopted, and you wonder if you can love that child, and think of them as your own…..the answer, for me anyway, is YES! In fact, I also gained a new grandson this past year, and he just happens to be adopted too. I love both of these newbies just as much as my biological grandchildren; they’re equal, as far as I’m concerned. Life is good!

Grammy and Vera having a deep discussion with paper phones. Vera's hand is flapping...she does this when she's happy and/or excited.

The Tooth Story

2011-11-17T13:34:00.000-05:00

I wish I could put into words the drama that entered our home 4 1/2 months ago. Oy. The drama. The drama of a 6 year old Ukranian princess. Who knew?

Princess Vera has had a loose tooth for a few weeks. Enter double drama. Her top, two front teeth are both loose, but one was especially loose. Jon had to take another business trip last week and tried to pull said loose tooth before he left. This momma is a big, fat wimp when it comes to loose teeth. Don't even let me see it...I may pass out! When Jon tried to pull it, Vera's tooth was not quite dry and his finger slipped. Lots of screaming ensued. The tooth did not get pulled.

When Jon returned home from his trip, he tried again to pull said loose tooth. Vera jerked her head back at the last second and Jon missed. Lots of screaming ensued. The tooth did not get pulled. Two parents were very frustrated.

Well, third time's a charm, right? Not always. The next night we gave Vera some melatonin in an effort to calm her so Jon could pull the ridiculous loose tooth, that was now barely hanging on. Disgusting. Why in the world did God give us baby teeth only to have them fall out and be replaced by permanent ones? It's a vicious cycle, really. Especially for people who are completely grossed out by loose teeth. But, I digress. Anyway, it was WAY past Vera's bedtime and the melatonin should've kicked in long ago. With my help, Jon tried YET AGAIN to pull Vera's tooth. YET AGAIN it was a bust. Lots of screaming ensued. From Vera and myself.

We were at loss. What were we to do? The tooth needed to come out. It bled every time we brushed Vera's teeth. It was beyond ready to come out...and yet it still clung there. Jon was worried about traumatizing Vera and losing her trust. I could see Jon's point, but I was so over the drama. If we even said the word 'tooth', both of Vera's hands would firmly and securely cover her mouth. Her little mouth was more secure than any airport in the United States. Every day we had a new conversation about the tooth. She told us when her bottom two teeth were pulled in Ukraine it hurt and she cried and cried. (We don't know why those teeth were pulled, but we don't think they were ready.) She told us she was scared to have Jon pull her tooth. We all tried to convince her that Daddy knows what he's doing. He's pulled Jacob's teeth and Caleb's teeth and Abbi's teeth. There's no need to be scared. Vera wouldn't listen.

"Your tooth is so loose, Vera. It really needs to come out."

"No." Giggle. "Ya no want toof out. Ya like my toof. Me no want toof out."

"But what if it comes out it your sleep and you swallow it?"

"Ya like swawwow teef. Teef yummy." Giggle.

"But if you swallow your tooth, you won't be able to put it under your pillow and have a surprise in the morning."

"Iz okay. Ya no like supwise. Ya like toof. Me no want toof out."

I asked some friends for advice. One mom suggested we pull it while Vera was asleep. We had considered that but then worried that Vera would be afraid to fall asleep from then on. Some suggested an apple...or taffy. But we knew Vera would just use her back teeth. Some said just let it fall out on its own. Sigh.

Yesterday morning as I was stretching Vera, she was playing with her hanging-on-by-a-thread-completely-gross-loose-tooth. I could see the hole underneath her tooth. It just hung there, taunting me. I had to stop looking at Vera. Jon came home last night and I told him the tooth MUST COME OUT! I could not take one more day!

We went into Vera's room where she was drawing with Jacob. Caleb and Abbi followed, so the whole family minus the cat were all in Vera's room. We didn't talk about it first like we had been doing. That always got Vera very worked up and stressed her out. I distracted Vera with her watch and Jon came in from behind and before Vera even knew what happened, Jon popped the tooth out. Vera cried, but mostly from the surprise I think. After the tears, she told us it didn't hurt. We all clapped and cheered. Toby, the dog, wiggled and growled (he growls when he's happy and excited). Vera said through her smile and giggle, "Ya sowwy I cwy." Then she thanked Jon no less than 13 times. "Fank uh, Daddy, pull my toof. Ya like my toof out. Fank uh, Daddy." At bedtime she smothered him with hugs and kisses and more thank you's for pulling the tooth. I don't think any trust was lost. If anything, I think trust was built. Vera now knows that we weren't lying to her when we told her it wouldn't hurt to pull the tooth. She told us it didn't hurt. She knows we told the truth that it would not bleed very much. (Sounds like her bottom two teeth bled a lot and that was partly why she was scared.) Jon mentioned to Vera how loose the second tooth is and that it will probably come out in a few days. Vera was cool with it. Maybe we won't have any drama next time. Maybe.

So, are you ready for pictures?

Such a big girl!

See the joy on the kids' faces?

We were all thrilled to have this behind us.

The tooth fairy visited last night (which is another story) and left a whole dollar for Vera.

Today after PT, Vera and I went to the dollar store so she could pick out 2 surprises.

(She had another dollar that Jon had given her when we first came home.)

She spotted her first treasure as soon as we walked in the door.

A red, tinsel tree.

What would you expect a 6 year old princess to buy?

Some fake nails, perhaps?

Vera wanted the second thing she saw in the store,

but I suggested we look around a little more before she decided.

It didn't take long to find the perfect thing for Vera...

That's more like it!

Very excited to show her siblings!

She wants to know if she can wear them to sleep.

I'm thinking not.

Occupational therapy for a buck!

Can't beat that!

Remember Them?

2011-10-14T11:24:00.000-04:00

Do you remember these two precious sweeties?

This is "Nice Girl"...

And this is "Lisa."

They were in Vera's group at the orphanage and sat at Vera's lunch table.

Lisa is the one who would grab on to Jon and not let go.

Aren't they precious?! Don't you LOVE their smiles?!

There is a growing group of families here in the states who stay in touch.

We are now one of those families.

We all adopted from Vera's baby home in Nikolaev.

#19

A couple of the moms had a great idea to send Christmas to #19 this year.

When I found out about it, I was sleepless for a few nights.

Oh, the excitement!

These little faces, and plenty of others, kept me awake.

We get to send them presents for Christmas!

Do you remember when I told you about peeking into the lockers of the 14 children in Vera's group? Vera had a few things from the few visitors she had had. "Allie" had a few things and so did Nice Girl. Do you remember what the other children had?

Nothing.

Shoes and a hat.

Shoes and a hat that do not really belong to them.

Shoes that likely don't fit...Vera's shoes were 4 sizes too small.

Shoes and a hat that will stay at the orphanage if/when they move on.

Really, the children have nothing.

We can change that this Christmas.

We can give each child something to call their own.

Something to keep in their locker.

Something.

So, would you like to help us?

There are several ways you can help.

In a nutshell, we will be sending shoeboxes filled with goodies for 115 children.

115

Here are some ways you can help:

You can fill a shoebox. We ask you to keep the contents between $5 and $20.

You can donate items and some 19 families will fill shoeboxes for you.

You can purchase something from Becky's Etsy shop. For the month of October she is donating all of her proceeds to Operation: Christmas in Nikolaev. Becky's family adopted a girl with CP from Vera's orphanage last year. She has been a great source of encouragement to me and a huge help with all of my endless questions about Vera and her CP.

SPREAD THE WORD! Grab the button, blog it, share this link on Facebook.

You can make a monetary donation here that will be used to purchase toys, clothing, gift wrap, and also to help pay for shipping.

Shipping charges will be substantial.

All donations over $25 are tax deductible.

Most importantly, please PRAY! Pray for these precious ones left behind.

115

Pray and ask the Lord how He would have you help.

So...are you in?

You can send items/and or filled boxes to

Huddle House

1802 Main Street East

Hartselle, AL 35640

no later than October 31

You can make a monetary donation here or send a check to

Circle of Hope

P O Box 4921

Huntsville, AL 35815

Be sure to include your name/address if you would like to use your donation for tax purposes.

Let me just share one more precious one with you.

This is Ryland.

He lives at the Nikolaev baby house. For now, anyway.

He's 5, so I don't know how long he will be there.

Ryland has CP like our Vera. We saw him on many occasions and got to interact with him.

Oh.

He is a love!

I will be sharing more about Ryland in the near future.

He still needs a family.

If you could meet him, you would wonder why no one has come for him.

We were baffled by it.

Ryland has no family.

Ryland has nothing.

Same with Lisa and Nice Girl.

And 112 others at the orphanage in Nikolaev.

Wouldn't you like to send them something for Christmas?

Can you even imagine the excitement of a child who has never received a Christmas present opening a little box of goodies OF THEIR VERY OWN on Christmas morning?

It WILL make a difference!

All of the information you need can be found here.

Instructions for shoe boxes:

Decorate a women’s shoe box with the following suggested items, label “boy” or “girl” on outside of box and rubberband box closed. Please do not use a large "boot" box.

Socks – white (girls box), black (boys box)

Underwear (girls or boys or all white for either)

Children's sunglasses, hats appropriate for warm weather or cold weather (boys or girls)

Small toys – ideas include: barbies, Lego's, puzzles, crayons, action figures, dolls with clothing, hot wheels cars, stuffed animals, balls, slinkys, etc.

Children’s gloves

Hair bows/barrettes (girls boxes)

New clothing (inexpensive) all sizes up to age 5

*Please do not include nail polish or candy*

We thank you for helping make this a very special Christmas for so many little children!

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Park Day in Pictures

2011-10-07T21:30:00.000-04:00

It was park day today with one of our favorite homeschool groups.

And what a beautiful day God blessed us with!

We all had a great day with even greater friends!

Caleb (green shirt) had SO much fun playing football with his buddies!

Jacob had fun with the older boys.

Vera had fun doing everything!

She even learned how to throw a frisbee...sort of. :)

She sure was cute trying!

Vera really loved swinging...especially when Jon pushed her.

He took today off from work to come play with us...

that was perhaps the BEST part of the day!

Vera LOVES playing with the big girls.

And they are so wonderful about including her.

Can you see how happy she is?

Abbi has the best friends a girl could have!

LOVE these precious girls!

A Big Day - and Marietta was There!

2011-09-30T22:33:00.000-04:00

Ha! You thought I was kidding, didn't you, Marietta?!

Look at this picture.

See anything significant?

I do.

We couldn't have taken this picture a week ago.

Why?

Because a week ago Vera would have PANICKED on uneven ground.

She would've yelled and grabbed my hand for dear life.

Walk on grass alone?

And not just grass...hilly grass.

Forget it.

A week ago she would've dropped to her knees and crawled.

A week ago she certainly would not have let go of my hand to go chase a ball.

Today at our homeschool game day...

she did just that!

(She's on the far left...just in case you didn't realize that's Vera.)

She was WALKING all over that uneven grass!

Do you know where I was?

See the red awning in the above photo?

Yeah.

That's where I was.

Telling Dana and Marietta how amazing it was that Vera was OUT THERE

Alone

Not holding anyone's hand

Not panicking,

On her FEET

Chasing a ball

With all the other kids.

We all got teary eyed watching Vera play.

Somebody (I shall not mention names) was very excited to

see one of my blog posts happen LIVE and in person!

Vera played HARD today.

After chasing the ball in the grass, the big girls helped Vera climb on the playground.

You can see Abbi on the left (above) running to get to the top to help pull Vera up...

Vera got a little stuck at this point.

But such sweet victory awaited her at the top!

Vera LOVED playing with the big girls today!

Vera played hard for several hours.

She was all over the place!

She was exhausted when we finally loaded up the van to head home.

Marietta, I didn't tell you about the other significant

happening that you witnessed today.

You saw what happened, but you probably didn't see the significance.

Some of the kids were getting ready to play another round of hide & seek.

Vera was accidentally nudged as the group began to scatter and hide.

It was a nudge that you and I would probably not notice.

But it was a nudge that caused Vera to lose her balance.
It was one of those mommy moments that you see happening

but there's nothing you can do to stop it.

She fell. She fell hard.

The fall included her slamming the

back of her head on the concrete parking lot.

Her glasses flew off and everything.

It was a hard fall.

And Vera cried.

She sought comfort from me.

I was right there and immediately dropped down to the ground next to her.

She let me pull her into my lap and rock her and kiss her and wipe away her tears.

That wouldn't have happened just a few weeks ago.

A short time ago Vera would have seen me coming

and put up her hand to wave me away.

She would've said, "No, no, no!"

But not today.

Today she let me mommy her.

A big day, indeed.

Vera had her evaluation for occupational therapy this week.

She can't cut a straight line.

She can't draw a straight line from one point to another 2 inches long.

She can't draw a closed circle.

She can't draw two perpendicular lines (like a cross).

She can't string beads.

She can't stack more than 5 blocks.

She can't do many things that a 6 year old should be able to do.

I know it must sound like I'm focusing on what Vera can't do.

I'm not.

I'm focusing on what Vera WILL DO!

I'm putting it here because someday very soon

I'm going to read this post and say

"Oh yeah! I remember when Vera couldn't do those things.

Look at her now!"

Just like I did today.

How Long?

2011-09-23T17:16:00.000-04:00

I have some very cool news to share, but I'm waiting on a few more details. I also need to tell you about Vera's awesome AFO's, EEG & MRI results, stimming and other updates.

In the meantime...

We just concluded a very long, bad week with Vera. Very long. Very bad. Bad. Bad. Bad.

Vera started physical therapy last Friday, and it was awesome! I am so excited that we have finally gotten to this point. PT is going to be GREAT for Vera! But, it is also going to wear her out. She was a noodle by the time the PT finished with her last week. A tired, 40 pound noodle. A couple of friends of ours had already told us not to plan anything else on the days Vera has PT because she will be tired. They were so right. We got home and Vera had a tantrum almost instantly. She was just plain mad that I made her walk up the stairs. And she let me know she was mad. And I still made her walk up the stairs.

Abbi went to a sleep over last Friday. She's been to several the past few weeks. Vera had been screaming since arriving home from PT, so during one quiet moment I hugged Abbi and told her, 'Just in case Vera is screaming when your ride comes. Have a great time. I love you.' Vera quit screaming a few minutes before Abbi left. My friend who picked Abbi up noticed Vera's tear streaked face and asked if she was upset. Upset was putting it mildly.

Jon's parents came for a visit last weekend. His dad has been here several times since we've been home with Vera, but we hadn't seen Jon's mom since we first got home. We had been telling Vera for a few days that Grandma and Grandpa were coming soon for a visit. We were all very excited.

Jon and I battled with Vera all weekend. I don't even remember the last time we had such a bad string of days like that. Everything was a fight. With few exceptions, Vera was defiant and disobedient every waking moment. It was exhausting, both physically and mentally. I think Vera spent more time IN time out than out of it last weekend. The rages even returned. Fun. Jon's parents got to see the absolute worst side of Vera. It was so bad that Jon brought these home for me on Monday. Yep. It was that bad. I was so discouraged that we had returned here.

A wonderful friend has been bringing us dinner every Thursday the past few weeks. Yesterday she asked me how everything was going. I told her about our horrible, no good, very bad weekend and she helped me brainstorm a few possible triggers. I had been thinking all week that it had to something with Jon's mom being here. Like I said, Jon's dad has been here several times and spent the night and Vera was fine. Why was she such a stinker when Rita was here? The conclusion I came to was that maybe having two women here stressed Vera out. I'm sure to Vera it was similar to the orphanage having multiple women around. We've had many women come and go since we've been home, mostly to bring meals, but none of them have stayed long or spent the night. And even though Jon's mom didn't do any caring for Vera, maybe just the presence of another woman was too much for Vera.

My friend had another suggestion...maybe Vera was scared that with another woman here, I was going to leave. Or maybe she was scared that Roger and Rita were going to take her away.

Bingo!

Fear.

This week I got out Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control and did some reading. It reminded me that everything Vera did last weekend was likely a response to fear. But what in the world would she have to fear? Doesn't she know by now that she's safe here? I mean, it's been a whole 2 1/2 months...how long is it going to take?

I know. You're probably all saying, "DUH, Amy!" Some things are so obvious to people on the outside looking in. When you're in the trenches all day, every day it's not always possible to come up for air and catch your breath. I am so thankful for friends I can spill all the ugly details to without fear of judgment. I think my friend hit the nail on the head.

From

Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control:

A Love Based Approach to Helping Children with Severe Behaviors -

"A defiant child is essentially a scared child. For children with trauma histories, it can be any request from the parent that creates a feeling of threat. A parental request at any level (yes, simply being asked to take out the trash or simply to put on his shoes) can be one that shifts the child into a fear state due to perceiving the directive as a threat. Dependent on the history, the child may be actually terrified. In that moment, the child cannot determine whether the parent's request is safe or not. He immediately goes into freeze mode, and then becomes defiant to the parent's request. In that moment, the child has to be defiant. There is no other alternative. The essence of defiance is fear. This is a traumatic stress issue. It is not an issue of the child working to control or manipulate the parent. It is not an issue of the child testing the limits or baiting the parent to see how he can make his parent become emotionally reactive. Defiance is a fundamental issue of feeling threatened and overwhelmed with fear."

Vera and I have had the same conversation multiple times a day this week. It goes like this:

"Mommy stop? Vera no take?" (Translation, Mommy will stop people who try to take Vera?)

"Yes, Mommy will stop anyone who tries to take Vera. No one will take Vera away."

"And Daddy stop? No take Vera?"

"Yes, Daddy will stop anyone who tries to take Vera."

"And Toby bite?"

"Yes, Toby will bite anyone who tries to take Vera."

"Vera stay Mommy."
"Yes, Vera stays with Mommy."

"And Daddy."

"Yes, Vera stays with Mommy and Daddy."

"And Jacob and Caleb and Abbi."

"Yes, we all stay together. We're family."

"And Toby and Phoebe."

"Yes, the dog and cat too. We all stay together. We're a family."

Every day.

At least 3 times. Usually more.

We have had this conversation.

All week long.

So...do you think she was scared last weekend?

Do you think maybe she thought someone was going to take her away?

Bless her little heart.

Slowly but surely Vera has gotten back to herself this week. Yesterday was the BEST day Vera has had in awhile. She was in my lap most of the afternoon which is unusual for her. She's a busy girl and doesn't like to sit much. We read lots of books. We watched a short video. We had tea and granola bars. And we had this conversation.

"Vera Mommy's?"
"Yes, Vera is Mommy's."
"And Mommy Vera's?"
"Yes and Mommy is Vera's."

"And Jacob and Caleb and Abbi?"

"Yes, Mommy is Jacob's and Caleb's and Abbi's and Vera's."

"Mommy nice. Kiss my cheek?"

And I kissed her cheek.

"Fank uh, Mommy. Vera kiss Mommy."

And she kissed me.

And then we had the first conversation again.

Twice.

Fear.

How long will Vera live with fear?

How long will she wonder if someone is going to take her away the way we took her away from the only life she's ever known?

How long will she be scared that I'm going to leave her at every doctor visit?

How long until she knows she belongs here and is here to stay?

How long?

I just have to add this in...as I'm getting ready to hit Publish Post, Vera brings me a piece of paper with a picture that she drew of an airplane. She has also written a note on it. With a big smile she tells me that it says, "I love you so much. Big hug."

How long until she knows I love HER so much?

A Puzzle

2011-09-06T20:07:00.000-04:00

Okay.

Wow!

If I had known the response my previous post was going to bring, I would have shared videos LONG ago! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You have all encouraged me SO MUCH! To everyone who shared with me, to everyone who is praying, THANK YOU!! I read every comment, every email, every message. I read every link that was shared. I am so humbled to have so many friends on this journey with us. Vera is loved by so many...once again I stand amazed.

Vera was in the tub the other day and I was pondering some of your messages. I realized that I feel like I'm putting a puzzle together. I keep finding new pieces and I'm trying to fit pieces together that just don't seem to fit. It's like I'm starting with the middle pieces but I need to put together the edges first. You're all helping me put this puzzle together and I am so grateful.

I thought I'd try to answer some of your questions and share a little more. Maybe you can help me brainstorm some things I'm not thinking of. I wish you could all come over for coffee and let me pick your brains. I guess this is the next best thing.

So many of you mentioned sensory issues...I had not even considered that. I do not know a thing about sensory input/needs. Nada. I'm clueless. Many of you shared similar ideas that we're going to try. I'm looking at weighted blankets. They're a bit pricey though so if you have a recommendation for a certain one, let me know. Vera does sleep all night once she's asleep. But she is waking up with a bird's nest on the back of her head again. It hasn't looked this bad since we had her in Ukraine. :( We do rock her before bed each night, but she's obviously still swaying more than normal once we lay her down. We're definitely going to do a bean box/table for Vera to play in. Much less messy than sand and we can do that inside. I have reserved The Out of Sync Child and several other sensory related books at the library. We're looking at swings too...one for outside and one for inside. And from what so many of you shared, I'll be showing the videos to the OT as well as the neurologist. Unfortunately our appointment with the OT is not until next month.

So, a little more to this puzzle. Vera used to primarily do her 'thing' at bedtime. She may have done it once or twice during the day, but only for a few minutes each time. Last week she started doing it anytime we did not have her engaged. She would only play with playdough if someone was actively engaged with her at the same time. I can't put her at the kitchen table with playdough and try to do some school with the older 3 (with all of us at the table together). She wants somebody's undivided attention at all times. She wouldn't color unless someone was coloring with her. She wouldn't play with anything unless someone was playing with her. If no one was actively engaged WITH her (not just next to her), she would lay down and do her thing. This just started the week before last. On Saturday I kept her busy almost all day. We played in the water table outside. We came in and had lunch and then got the playdough out. We read books, we colored, Vera had a long bath and we did a few other activities. I finally left Vera to make dinner and no one else was playing with her. She immediately laid down and started her thing. Sigh.

Vera will do her thing with or without music. She definitely prefers to do it with music, but if I'm doing school with the other kids and she can't play her music, she'll just lay down and start. I'm trying to figure out why, all of the sudden, she is doing her thing so frequently and for so long each time. I should also tell you that if we have a really busy day or we're gone most of the day and Vera doesn't have a chance to do her thing, she will most likely have a tantrum. And she'll definitely have a hard time falling asleep that night. I mentioned in my last post that her episodes are getting more 'violent'. I don't mean that she's angry or aggressive when she does this. Maybe 'intense' is a better word. She used to be much calmer during her episodes.

I don't believe that food or bathroom issues are a trigger. She'll stop herself and use the bathroom and then go right back to it. She'll stop and have a snack or a meal and go right back to it. We have not had any big issues with food or bathroom happenings since being home.

Several of you told me that your child(ren) had setbacks right around the 2 month anniversary of being home. Our 2 month anniversary is tomorrow. That could be a trigger. But why, I wonder? What's so special about 2 months?

Starting school could be another clue. We homeschool and now the big kids and I are not available every waking second to play with Vera. It's been a hard adjustment for her. That could be part of the increase too.

The weekend before we started school, Vera got her glasses and started patching. That could be another trigger. She's seeing the world in a new way and it could be hard and overwhelming to process. (Thank you to who shared that thought with me...I hadn't even considered it.)

Vera also mentioned her favorite nanny and Ukraine a few times last week and lots over the weekend. It could be that she's feeling more comfortable and settled in her new life with us and the grieving is beginning. Along those lines, we aren't having many control issues these days. Could that be part of it too? Maybe she's realizing it's okay to let Mommy and Daddy be in charge. And maybe that's a little scary. OR maybe this is her new control thing.

I was thinking that the jerking her arms and legs do during an episode was involuntary, but I really don't know anymore. The other day Vera started her thing and Jon laid down on the floor next to her. He asked her what she was doing and she made the motions and demonstrated it. She also pushed him away. But she obviously knows what she's doing. Some of you suggested it's some sort of dance that Vera is doing...could very well be. But she'll sometimes jerk her arms and legs in the very same way while sitting up...at the dinner table, in the van, on the toilet, etc. I was thinking it was involuntary because when she jerks on the toilet or at the dinner table she yells and panics like she's going to fall off the seat. It seems like it takes her by surprise. That makes me think she didn't mean to do it. But I could be wrong. Or, maybe when she's sitting up it is involuntary, but when she's laying down she enjoys being able to control it.

Some of you mentioned that your child did/does something similar to what Vera does and it's almost like a 'high.' Yes. Exactly. Vera definitely gets pleasure from doing this. She does get a 'high', 'buzzed' look on her face while she's doing her thing. Saturday afternoon when I left her to make dinner and she started, about 5 minutes into it, she let out a huge laugh...a deep down belly laugh. I don't know what was so funny, but she was obviously enjoying herself. I guess that scares me a bit. I don't want her to become addicted to this behavior or become obsessed with it. And right now that is how it seems. Just because she enjoys it and it brings her pleasure, doesn't necessarily mean it's good for her. But, maybe it is.

Needless to say, I am not freaking out like I was last week. I appreciate SO MUCH all of your comments, messages, prayers and encouragement. I think you've all pointed me in the right direction and I am much more at peace. There are still many questions and many more unknowns, but like so many of you said, it's only been 2 months. Goodness, she has come so far in two months. I will focus on the good!

AND, dare I say it, we have reached the milestone I've been waiting to reach. ONE WHOLE WEEK without a tantrum!! She still had a few little fits and time-outs, but NO TANTRUMS!! Can I get an amen, please?!

Vera's Episodes

2011-09-02T15:34:00.000-04:00

I have debated long and hard about sharing this. I don't know why it's so hard. I find myself wondering, "What will people think?". What will people think about Vera? Will they look at her with pity and feel sorry for her? Because that's not what she needs. Will people look at me with pity and feel sorry for me? What will people think about my ability to love and mother Vera? Surely if I were doing things right, Vera's episodes would be improving. They're not.

In the end, it doesn't matter what you think. :) This is our reality and I need help. Vera needs help and Jon and I are at a complete loss as to how to help her. It seems like most children with self-soothing behaviors improve over time. It seems like this should be getting better. We've been home almost 2 whole months. So many of Vera's behaviors have improved exponentially in that time. But this one...this one seems to be getting worse. These episodes are coming more frequently. They're becoming more 'violent'.

Some of you will watch these videos and perhaps be shocked. Admittedly, it's still alarming for me to watch after almost 2 months home. Some of you may cry. By the time I was done taking these videos, I was holding back sobs and tears were streaming down my face. To give you an idea, these are just a few minutes of what went on for more than thirty minutes this morning. It will happen again this afternoon at least once. And again at bedtime. I don't use this word often, but I HATE watching Vera do this. I hate it. I want to stop her. It takes all the self control I can muster not to yell STOP! I want to leave the room so I don't have to watch it. But no matter where I go, I can still hear her kicking. I can still hear her odd breathing. I still know what she's doing. And I can't let her do it alone. Watching this multiple times a day makes me crazy, sad, frustrated and angry.

Please, if you watch one of the videos, watch them all. They each show different aspects of Vera's episodes. I'm not really sure what else to call them. Vera will see the neurologist next week and we wanted to be able to show the dr. (rather than try to describe it) what Vera does. Is it a CP thing? Is it a seizure? Is it self soothing behavior? Is it an orphan thing? Is it a lack of language thing? An institutionalized child thing? A grieving thing?

We have no idea. Caleb asked Jon and I yesterday if we know why Vera does this.

Nope.

Do you?

I know several of you who read this blog not only adopted older children, but adopted older children with CP. Did/do your kids do this? Those of you with kids who self-soothe...does this look like self-soothing to you? I know different kids do different things. Should I interrupt Vera during these episodes? Should I let her continue to do this? She gets frustrated when I interrupt her. And she is always calm after doing this for a few minutes. Well, calm for Vera. :) Vera was doing this yesterday afternoon and I kept interrupting her with questions. My intent was to distract her so she would stop. I just want her to stop. She grew increasingly more frustrated the more I interrupted her. Finally, I asked her to bring me something from her room and she said, "In a second." (Her new favorite phrase.) She did her 'thing' for a minute or two and then got up and did what I had asked. Then she laid down and continued. It's almost like an addiction for her. She HAS to do it.

We started wondering if these episodes were actually seizures. I did a lot of reading about different types of seizures and watched countless videos. I was leaning towards thinking Vera is, in fact, seizing BUT we can interrupt her. If Toby starts barking while Vera is doing this she'll stop and say, "Toby, hush!" You'll see at the end of this next video that Vera stops when she hears Abbi say my name. So, we don't think these are seizures. Does anyone have a different opinion?

You'll see Vera smile in this next one. When we first came home, she never smiled while doing this. Now she almost always smiles and even giggles during every episode. This one is particularly hard for me to watch.

I took this next video to show how far Vera traveled from her little laptop. I put these videos in the order they were taken. You can see how much Vera moves around during an episode. This is why she needs a bedrail. She has traveled all the way down her bed until her feet hung off the end. Then she traveled back up to her pillow. When she does this in bed, I can hear her kicking from the living room with her door shut. I can hear hear her arm hitting the wall. I can hear her bedrail rattling from all the movement.

So...thoughts? Opinions? Advice?

If nothing else, please pray for us. Pray for Vera.

And in Other Vera News...

2011-08-19T18:06:00.000-04:00

Some things have happened this week that I must get documented. I don't ever want to forget these subtle, yet so significant, precious moments.

It started Tuesday morning. Vera and I got up and headed to the kitchen for her yogurt and banana and my coffee. We were chit-chatting as usual...well, Vera was chit-chatting like usual. While I sat next to her wishing for two minutes of quiet while I drank my coffee. I do not like talking to people as soon as I wake up. I wouldn't say I'm grumpy (though Jon might). I just like having a few minutes of peace before I have to converse with others. I rarely get that these days. It's one of those things I miss from my former life. Anyway, Vera finished her yogurt and asked me to help her peel her banana. I started it and handed the banana back to Vera. She said 'fank uh, Mama' (thank you, Mama) and before I could say 'you're welcome' she stopped herself. She looked me straight in the eye, pointed to me and said, "No. You Mommy." She said it twice. "You Mommy." Now, that may not seem like a big deal to you. I AM her mommy, afterall. We all know that. But it took this long for Vera to know that.

We haven't pushed Vera calling me Mommy. Jon always refers to me as Mommy and the big kids still call me that. But we've never corrected Vera when she calls me Mama. I knew it was one of those things that would come with time. Well, I believed and hoped and prayed it would eventually happen. And really, with the trouble she has with the long E at the end of words, maybe it never would. Tuesday, almost 6 weeks home, it finally happened. She called me Mommy. And I have been Mommy ever since. So, what changed? What was so special about Tuesday morning? I wish I knew.

I am no longer just a caregiver to Vera. I am no longer one of the countless mamas that Vera has had over the past 6 years. I am Mommy. That is significant. Not just that she's calling me Mommy, but that she consciously, purposefully started calling me Mommy. She made sure I knew...she made sure I heard...twice...I am Mommy. It was significant for both of us. Things have been different between Vera and I since Tuesday. It's like an invisible wall came tumbling down with that one little word. Mommy. Vera will now come give me spontaneous kisses for no reason. She now comes to me, looks up at the ceiling and giggles, which means 'please kiss my neck and tickle me.' On Wednesday after Vera's appointment with the orthopedist, I was laying on the couch. For some reason I was exhausted and just wanted to rest a bit. Vera came into the living room and said, "Mommy, blanket please." Usually that means she wants her own blanket on the couch and she wants to lay somewhere other than where I am. I sat up and reached for the other blanket and asked Vera where she wanted to lay. She said, "Mommy, please" and motioned to my blanket. I lifted it up and invited her to lay next to me. That was what she wanted. She smiled huge and climbed up next to me. We laid there together exchanging kisses on our cheeks and foreheads. We whispered "I love you's" to each other. Our legs intertwined and we shared many smiles and giggles and sweet, precious moments.

Since Tuesday and me becoming Mommy, Vera has become a very thankful little thing. She thanks me for EVERYTHING. She tells me she's thirsty. I get a cup out of the cupboard. "Fank uh, Mommy." I put an ice cube in the cup. "Fank uh, Mommy." I fill the cup with water. "Fank uh, Mommy." I put a straw in the cup. "Fank uh, Mommy." I hand her the cup. "Fank uh, Mommy." Meals are the same. About every 3 or 4 bites she says, "Mmmmmm. Fank uh, Mommy." I help her onto the toilet. "Fank uh, Mommy." I help her wipe. "Fank uh, Mommy." I pull up her shorts. "Fank uh, Mommy." Are you seeing the pattern? Ever since she started calling me Mommy, she thanks me for everything I do. Every little thing. Today I let her help me stock toilet paper in the bathrooms. She thanked me. I let her help me with laundry. She thanked me. I buckled her in the van to take her to see yet another doctor. She thanked me. Something in her changed when she started calling me Mommy. Something I can't quite put my finger on, but something significant. And I am thankful.

Vera has also added lots of new words to her English vocabulary. In addition to what I shared in the Vera's Vocabulary post, she also now says

Excuse me

You're welcome

Ice

Be careful

Eyes

Drink

My room

Towel

Seat

Bone

No lick

Church

God

Bible

Jesus

Juice

Almost

Scrub

Rinse

Splash

Pillow

Blanket

Pocket

Good morning

Thirsty

I'm sure there are more. I always go blank when trying to remember all of her new words.

Once again, I do have more to tell you, but these posts always end up so much longer than what I think they will. Oh well. I am still waiting to tell you that Vera has gone a whole week without a tantrum. We get close and then on the 5th or 6th day...look out! We will have a celebration when we reach that milestone. :)

And what's a good Vera post without photos?

Vera is following in Abbi's footsteps. Abbi usually spends a good bit of time in the mornings laying (lying?) on the couch reading. One day we found Vera doing the same.

Abbi also loves to read while she eats.

She has successfully taught Vera this bad, yet cute, habit.

Vera LOVES dressing up like a princess.

It suits her, don't you think?

Pediatricians, Orthopedists, and Therapists! Oh My!

2011-08-18T13:48:00.000-04:00

Well, two of Vera's doctor appointments have come and gone. 2 of about a gazillion if I've done my math correctly. Our first appointment was on Tuesday with the pediatrician. A friend of mine recommended this doctor to us while we were in Ukraine. This particular pediatrician has worked with lots of kids adopted from Eastern Europe and she speaks Russian. Score! At first I was a bit bummed that we couldn't get Vera in to see any doctors until this week...almost 6 weeks home. But God knows so well. We've spent the last 6 weeks at home keeping things quiet and boring, building trust. Yesterday Jon and I got to witness first-hand how much trust has been built.

So, we went to World of Pediatrics in Alpharetta...about a 45 minute drive. This was our first visit which meant lots needed to be done. When I made the appointment I was told that this will be a long visit..."it could last almost an hour." Okay. No problem. Because of the length of these appointments, the doctor prefers to do them at the end of the day. Our appointment was at 6 pm. We left the office at 8:45. Almost 3 hours. By the time we got home it was after 9:30. WAY past Vera's bedtime. On the way home Vera kept trying to lay down in the van saying, "Mommy. Please. Sleep." My thoughts exactly.

Oh, but I am NOT complaining. We LOVE Dr. Vayman! She was awesome with Vera! Everyone in the office was awesome with Vera. I have never had such personal treatment with any of the kids' doctors and staff. They were so sincere and genuine and they just loved Vera. I had been second-guessing myself thinking "maybe we should just bring Vera to our regular pediatrician. She's just down the street." But I am so glad Jon encouraged me to keep our appointment with Dr. Vayman. I can't say enough good things about her and her staff.

When we arrived we had to wait in the waiting room for a few minutes while the receptionist got all our information put into the computer. They called us back and Vera was happy and smiling...until we got to the exam room.

Fear.

Panic.

Tears.

Vera cried, shook her head and said, "No ouchie! No ouchie!" The last time she saw a doctor was last summer when she had surgery on her legs. She remembers it vividly. She remembers the incredible pain she was in. She remembers crying a lot. She remembers being angry with her nannies for sending her there. She was so scared when we walked into the little room Tuesday night. We sat down and Jon pulled Vera onto her lap. We told Vera that no one was going to hurt her. We told her we were going to talk to the doctor and then the doctor would look at her. But no one would hurt her. We told her we'd be there for just a little bit and then we'd go home and get ready for bed. We didn't want her to think we were leaving her there. Vera calmed down and stopped crying. But she was still nervous. She sat on Jon's lap and sucked on her fingers. But she did NOT freak out. She did NOT scream and tantrum. She understood us. She believed us. She trusted us.

Dr. Vayman came in and I was instantly glad we had chosen her. She went right to Vera, looked her in the eye and started speaking to her. Vera smiled big when Dr. Vayman spoke Russian to her. This was another big answer to prayer. Really the main reason I was second guessing where we should take Vera for her first pediatrician appointment - I've heard many stories of kids hearing their native language after being adopted and being filled with fear that they were being sent back to the orphanage. They regressed. It was like starting all over...just from hearing their native language. I wasn't really worried that Vera would regress, but the thought was certainly in the back of my mind. What if...

I had no reason to worry! We could tell Vera was still nervous, but she never cried again. Dr. Vayman went back and forth speaking Russian and English to Vera. Vera answered most of the questions in English. Dr. Vayman was impressed with how much English Vera already knows. When it was time to put Vera on the table to check her over, she panicked a bit, but Jon and I were both right there with her. She calmed right down. She let the doctor do the exam and then it was just adult talk for a long time. Vera was so patient. Dr. Vayman was able to tell me some things I didn't know from the medical records from the orphanage that didn't get translated. She was great about waiting on some things for us. We wanted this to be a good experience for Vera and asked for a no needle visit this time. Next week we'll begin all the tests. They will need to take lots of blood from poor, little Vera to check her for everything under the sun. And the best part (not!) is the stool samples. I get to collect six, count 'em, SIX stool samples over the next 2 weeks. They have to be collected 3 days apart from each other and taken to the lab within 3 days. Jon will get to do the dropoffs...the lab is close to his work. Aren't you envious now? Stool samples. Fun times, people. Fun times. Oh, and Vera also got to pee in a cup...what a fun experience. We have a seat for Vera at home because she can't yet hold herself up on the toilet. Well, I couldn't hold Vera on the toilet AND hold the cup underneath her so Jon got to hold her while I held the cup. While Vera told us how silly we are.

Yesterday morning I had to wake Vera up (which is a sin in the Evans family...similar to waking a sleeping baby) to take her to see the orthopedist for the first time. She opened her eyes, looked at me and said, "No bye bye. No bye bye." Poor thing. She has no idea what's in store for her. I told her it would be a short bye bye and not long like the night before. If only I had known...

Jon met us at the office. Vera did great again. Praise the Lord! No fear yesterday. No tears. Not even when the doctor examined her little legs. The orthopedist was great with Vera and we LOVE him! They took a few X-rays of Vera and she did GREAT! Her spine is perfectly straight (thank You, Lord) and her hips are in perfect position (thank You again, Lord)! That may not be the case as she grows. If her thigh muscles tighten up when she has growth spurts, they could pull her hips out of alignment. But we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. The orthopedist wrote prescriptions for Vera's AFO's (leg braces) and also referred us to a neurologist and physiatrist (bet you don't know what THAT is!). He also wrote prescriptions for physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy.

Did you hear that? I hear it in my sleep.

Cha ching. Cha ching. Cha ching.

After we saw the orthopedist, we went next door to make an appointment to get Vera fitted for her AFO's. I am so excited to finally get her in the AFO's. I'm not looking forward to the fights that I'm sure we're going to have in the beginning, but I cannot wait to get her legs straight and get her walking easier. I filled out paperwork and the receptionist told me someone would be right with me. We were SO thankful they could get Vera in RIGHT THEN to be fitted and we didn't have to schedule another appointment. The man who took care of us was wonderful with Vera. She was so tired by this point and we kept telling her we were almost done and then we'd go home and have lunch. The orthotist was great and explained everything he was doing as he was doing it. Our only (very minor) annoyance was how he added 'ums' to the end of every other word. "Okay Vera. Now I just need to get my scissor-ums and cut-ums this off of your leg-ums. Yep." I am not exaggerating. That's how he talked to her the whole time. And he added 'yep' to the end of EVERY sentence. When we left and Vera and I were saying goodbye to Jon, I told him to have fun at work-ums, yep. Anyway, we got to pick the pattern and color for Vera's AFO's...no yucky white for the princess! We (I) chose pretty pink with lavender butterflies. And of course the straps will be pink.

Vera sees the opthamologist tomorrow. I would really appreciate prayers. For some reason I am really nervous about this appointment. I spent this morning making appointments with the neurologist, physical therapist, occupational therapist, speech therapist, etc. I almost have our insurance information memorized. If you saw my calendar, you would cry. I almost did by the time I was done making all the appointments. I still need to schedule her first dentist appointment. Sigh. Oh, and we start school on Monday. Welcome to life at the Evans!

Last but not least, here are some pictures of the kids. My grandma's birthday is next week, and I wanted to send pictures in her card. Vera was SO excited when I told her we were going to take pictures.

If you've ever heard her giggle, you can almost hear it when you look at this photo.

My four treasures.

Turning a Corner

2011-08-04T22:26:00.009-04:00

It's easy for me to get lost in the frustrations of being Vera's mommy. It's easy for me to get caught up in the constant attention she requires. It's easy for me to become jealous that if Vera has the choice between Jon and I, she'll always choose Jon. It's easy for me to feel sorry for myself and long for my old, easy life. The life I knew how to live. The life that required little effort from me most days. The life that allowed me to be self-centered, lazy and apathetic.

When Vera argues or cries or gets into everything or has tantrums, it's hard for me to remember where she came from. It's hard to remember that Vera had nothing. It's hard to remember in the heat of the moment that she was abandoned by her birth mother. It's hard to remember that Vera was born in a country that does not cater to disabled people or those with special needs. It's hard to remember that Vera was an orphan for 6 years. Who knows how many caretakers she's had. She spent 3 months in the hospital after she was born. How many nurses came and went in those 3 months? Vera lived in her orphanage for 6 years. She would've started in the baby room...how many nannies took care of her? At some point she was probably moved to an older baby/toddler room. She would've had a new group of nannies taking care of her. How many times did she switch rooms and groups during her 6 years at the baby home? How many women have been 'mama' to Vera?

It's not always easy for me to have compassion for Vera. Most days, my patience is in very short supply. I'm constantly praying for MORE compassion and MORE patience.

God granted my request in a way I was dreading. He sent Jon out of town. For 3 days.

I was dreading this trip. Dreading. It.

No back up. For 3 days.

No relief at the end of the day. For 3 days.

Woe is me.

Woe is Vera.

Trouble started at 7:40 last night. Vera wanted Jon to help her brush her teeth. I reminded her that Daddy went bye bye that morning and he couldn't help her. She begged. "Please. Daddy, teeth." She cried. We tried to call Jon but he was driving through mountains in a thunderstorm and didn't have reception. He was trying to call us at the same time we were trying to call him. Vera sobbed all through brushing teeth. I was going to just skip it, but she insisted. She cried going potty. She cried drinking her bedtime water. She didn't want big hugs from the kids. We rocked for a bit and then I carried her off to bed and laid her down. She cried. She sobbed. She begged for Daddy. "Daddy, please. Loobaloo (her version of I love you). Please, Daddy. Loobaloo. Pleeeeeeaaasse. Daddy, please." Oh. Break. My. Heart. It went on for over an hour. If any of you had witnessed it, I know you would've been crying too. Jon's heart hurt when I told him how bedtime went. We knew it was too soon for him to be gone, but he didn't have a choice.

It was in those long moments of hearing Vera's uncontrollable sobs and begging for Daddy that compassion came. In full force. I was reminded of her past. I was reminded of her abandonment. I was reminded of her life at the orphanage. My poor girl. Did she think Jon had left her too? Along with her birthmother? Along with all the families that had come for her and left?

Vera woke up very early today wandering the house. She was looking for Jon. She cried and begged for Daddy some more. I made her lay back down and I stayed with her. She never went back to sleep, but she did calm down. We got up an hour and a half later and had a mostly good day. Though I was preparing myself all day for a very long night. I figured the 2nd night was going to be much worse than the first. Especially since this afternoon I had to break the news to Vera that not only is Daddy gone, but Abbi too would leave for the night. Abbi went to a slumber party tonight. Vera noticed that Abbi's toothbrush was missing. Where was it? I explained that Abbi was going to a friend's house to sleep and she had to bring her toothbrush with her. I showed her a picture of Abbi's friend. I told Vera that in the morning after breakfast, we'll go get Abbi and bring her home. Vera stuck out her bottom lip and cried. "No Abbi bye bye. No Abbi bye bye." She asked if Jacob was leaving too. And what about Caleb? Is he going bye bye? And then she asked me with tears on her face

Is Mommy going bye bye too?

No, baby, Mommy is not leaving. Mommy is staying with Vera.

Sigh.

WE know we will never leave Vera. But does SHE know that? And if she doesn't know that yet, how long will it take?

After Vera's long, sad bedtime last night, I asked the Vera's Journey Home group to pray for her. Many people did. And many people offered up suggestions about how to help Vera with Jon's absence. We'll definitely be better prepared next time (which hopefully won't be for several months)! Even though I knew people were praying, I was still anticipating a very long, hard night with Vera.

Oh me of little faith. Shame on me!

She was a champ! She brushed teeth, went potty, got her drink, gave the boys hugs...all with a smile on her sweet little face. I was still bracing myself. We went to her room and got PJ's on. We hugged and kissed and I laid her down. I turned out the light and laid on the floor next to her bed. I waited for the crying to begin. I waited for her to cry for Daddy. She didn't. Vera swayed for just a few minutes, rolled onto her side and went to sleep. Just like that. No jerking, no kicking. (Last night was very violent in that regard.) Just peaceful sleep in a matter of minutes. I always know when she's asleep because I can't hear her sucking her fingers. I checked on her after 10 minutes of silence and her hand was laying in front of her mouth. She was out. I was amazed. She has not gone to sleep that peacefully in the 5 weeks that we've had her. I laid back down on the pillow and cried out thanks to God. He is so faithful. He is so loving. He is so compassionate. He heard all those prayers for Vera and He answered abundantly. He is truly with Vera tonight. His presence was there as my tears fell into her hair as I kissed her forehead and pulled the blanket up around her.

Even though I wish Jon didn't have to leave so soon after bringing Vera home, I am thankful. I am thankful that Vera is obviously attached to Jon. I am thankful that when he was asked to leave for TWO WEEKS, including the weekend in between weeks, Jon said NO WAY, no how, ain't gonna happen. This 3 day trip was the compromise. I am thankful that Jon's time away has allowed more bonding to happen between Vera and I. We turned a corner while Jon has been gone. She has spent much more time relaxing in my lap. She has let me be much more affectionate with her. She has let me comfort her in her sadness. I am thankful for renewed compassion for Vera. I needed these reminders. When my compassion is lacking, God has an ocean of it for me to swim in. When my patience fails, God's patience is perfect and He wants to share it with me.

I am especially thankful for the many people who have prayed for Vera. I hope you will continue to pray for her tomorrow. God obviously wants to answer! We still have one more day and night to get through before Jon returns. And now I'm looking forward to seeing what God will do in Vera's life tomorrow!

Vera's Vocabulary

2011-08-02T09:44:00.003-04:00

Many of you want to know how communication is with Vera. It's going pretty well, actually. Vera understands just about everything we tell her. And if we don't know what Vera is saying to us, we can usually figure it out with a little help.

These are the words/phrases that Vera says in English consistently. We've had her for almost 5 weeks and been home almost 4. I cannot wait to have a normal conversation with her!

Vera says all of our names, though she still has trouble with the long E sound when it's the 2nd syllable of a word. So Abbi sounds like Abbuh. Toby is Tobuh. Every once in awhile she'll say their names correctly, but usually not. She can say other words with a long E sound like 'eat' and 'sleep' with no problem. She also has trouble with the hard J (the Russian language doesn't have that sound) so Jacob comes out Sacob most of the time.

She also says:

No :)

Mine

Please (working on Thank You but there is no 'th' sound in Russian so it usually comes out Fank You.)

Okay

Again

Open/Close

Hi/Hello/Bye bye

Night night

Bed

Sleep

Pajamas

Car

Stroller

Closet (she loves to play in the closet)

Kitty (though it sounds more like Kila - rhymes with Sheila)

Dog

Sit (comes out 'sot'...working on it)

Eat

Cherries

Yogurt

Banana

Apple

Pasta

Yummy

Yucky

Tickle

Clean/Dirty

Potty/Poo poo

Watch

Trash

Look

Light

On/Off

Book

School

Foot

Spoon

Cup

Brush

Silly

Gentle

Bath/shower

Shampoo

Soap

Sticker

Socks

Shoes

Hot/cold

Show me (she says this when she wants us to show her something AND when she wants to show us something)

Big hug

All done

Silly dog

Good boy (to Toby)

Toby hush

Too big

No touch

One more

Excuse me

It seems like there are more, but my mind has gone blank. Not a bad list for such a short time home...in my opinion anyway. We're pretty sure she'll need speech therapy, but she's doing very well so far. She still doesn't put more than two words together, unless one of our names is included. We're working on I love you (she tries but can't put it all together), counting to 10, come here, drink, water, give and a few other things that she says multiple times a day in Russian.

Edit: Since posting this yesterday, I thought of a few more words that Vera says:

Push

Soup

Vitamins

Salad

Bubbles

Swim

Coffee

Finding Joy in the Boring

2011-07-27T21:06:00.003-04:00

Some of you are wondering why I'm not blogging as much anymore...

Do you remember the post I wrote before we came home and I told you that we would keep our first few weeks at home really boring to help Vera feel safe?

Well, we're up to our eyeballs in boring! I'm trying not to let it drive me crazy because I know that in just a few weeks we will be up to our eyeballs in doctor visits, school, band, co-op, high school (Jacob), middle school (the twins), preschool (Vera)...LIFE! Because our lives have been so boring, there just hasn't been much going on to share.

But boring has been very good for Vera. I do think she feels safe here and with us. We try to add a few fun activities out of the house here and there, but I think I speak for all of us when I say...we're looking forward to normal living again! We broke up the monotony a little bit and took the kids to the pool on Saturday. Vera would not let Jon or me let go of her the whole time, but she did have fun! Can you tell?

We all had fun! We also got a glimpse into how much work Vera has ahead of her. Her core is very weak. Her little legs would either float up in front of her or behind her. Jon and I worked with her and showed her how to get and stay upright. We showed her how to kick, which really made her work. We didn't stay more than an hour, but by the time we left, Vera was exhausted and could hardly walk. The kids and I went to the pool again this afternoon and Vera did much better. She still wouldn't let me let go of her, but she was upright almost the whole time. We were there 2 hours and she's not as tired today as she was after an hour on Saturday. I cannot wait to get her in physical therapy!

Anyway...back to Vera feeling safe...some adopted kids try to get in other people's carts at the grocery store and go home with complete strangers. They just don't understand the concept of mommy, daddy, family. Vera doesn't do this. Some adopted kids think that women who bring meals over are Mama and they can go home and live with them. Vera hasn't done this. She hasn't called anyone Mama except for me...well except for one time in Ukraine when she called Corrie Mama. But she didn't know anything else to call her. If Vera does happen to call any of you Mama, please just tell her, "I'm not Mama. My name is ________." Hopefully if this happens, I'll be right there and you can point to me and say, "That is Mama."

Vera's rages are slowly diminishing. For this I can't even tell you how thankful I am. Just two weeks ago, when Jon or I told her 'no' she would cry. Sometimes a rage would follow, sometimes she would just scream and shake her head. NOW, if we tell her 'no' she (usually) just whines and says, "please" over and over in a really pitiful (annoying) voice. She'll whine and beg about whatever we said 'no' to. I have started making her look me in the eye and saying firmly, "Mommy said no." Seems to be working. With me anyway. I'm with Vera much more than Jon since he's back to work and I think she has finally learned that with me, her whining and begging get her nowhere. She definitely whines longer to Jon because she's very cute about it and he can't help but smile at her. I think his smiles give her false hope. But Jon and I agree that we'll take whining over raging ANY DAY!

Vera is also improving with following directions. She used to go into a rage if we asked her to do something that she didn't want to do. Now, when we ask her to do something she'll either do it, or she'll say 'no', giggle and then go do it. This isn't always the case, but it's becoming the norm. We do usually have to repeat our instruction several times (not because she doesn't understand, but because she's ornery!) and sometimes we have to physically move her in the right direction, but she'll almost always comply with what we've asked without a fight. Yay!

I was hoping to tell you that we've gone 5 days straight without a tantrum, but she had a few yesterday. Even in that though, there is such HUGE improvement! I can't call it raging anymore. She has graduated up to tantrum. Vera still cries and sometimes screams, but I can't remember the last time she threw something. Her crying isn't angry anymore...it's sad and almost whiny. She usually calms down within a few minutes now instead of it taking 20, 40, 60 minutes or more. She still has a ways to go, but the difference in Vera over the past 4 weeks is really quite amazing. All the credit, praise and glory goes to God! I know several of you agreed to pray for us specifically in the weeks after we got home. God is listening and answering! Please continue to pray!! Some days the patience I have for Vera and the constant attention she requires just amazes me. I know it is not from me. Patient has never been a word that describes me.

Can you believe we've had her for 4 weeks? 4 weeks ago today we busted her out of the orphanage. 4 weeks ago today we traveled in a car with Vera for 7 hours to Kiev. It will forever be known as the car ride from you-know-where. For the first 5 hours everything was mostly good. We had to make a few unplanned potty breaks and we learned a very important Russian word...kahket. We knew the peezit word. Kahket was new. Vera panicked when we had no idea what she was saying. Thank the Lord for a Russian speaking driver who started laughing and said, "She needs bathroom." Jon and I argued with him since we had just had a peezit break not 5 minutes before. The driver chuckled and said, "No. She NEEDS bathroom!" Oh...kahket! After that the real fun began. It was after 10 pm and we knew Vera had to be exhausted. We were exhausted. We wanted her to go to sleep. We told her it was time for sleep.

She. Went. Bonkers.

Remember when I shared the Jack-Jack Attack clip (from The Incredibles) and said it was all I could think about in the car? Understanding came the next day when Jon and I saw how Vera falls asleep. She was trying to sway and jerk in the car. She was trying to self-soothe so she could fall asleep. Jon and I had never seen her do this, so we had no idea what she was doing. We just thought someone had flipped a switch and this was the new, not so improved Vera. We were trying to hold her and restrain her. Had we known how she falls asleep, the trip would have gone much better. As it was, Vera screamed (I mean SCREAMED) the last almost 2 hours of the drive. I don't even want to know what was going through our driver's mind.

We arrived at our apartment at around 1:30 am and lugged Vera and our luggage up 4 flights of stairs. We all fell in to bed around 2 and slept until 6. Our embassy appointment was supposedly at 8:30 am and our driver picked us up at 7:50. We arrived at the embassy to learn that our appointment was really at 2:00 pm. But they still took care of us. We began the paperwork for Vera's visa and then headed over to the clinic for her medical exam. We were waiting in the very crowded little hallway for Vera's turn to see the doctor when who should we see venturing their way toward us?

Yep! My lovely friend, Corrie and her new daughter Vika! I was SO hoping we would get to see them in Ukraine! I got my wish right before it was time to head home! Vera and Vika had their exams one right after the other, so we got to spend a bit of time together.
Vika had to have a chest X-ray done, so we all had a snack together while we waited for our paperwork. Vera remembered Vika, but we're not sure if Vika remembered Vera. We attempted a few photos of the 4 of us together. This was the best shot we got. It will have to do. After we received our medical paperwork, we all ended up riding back to our apartments together.

I have been praying about finding joy in any moment I can. I have been stuck in a string of negative thoughts and it's time to snap out of it. There has already been improvement in that area. Last Wednesday was a particularly bad day and I sent Jon an SOS email just after lunch and told him I was counting down the MINUTES until he got home. When Jon first went back to work and for many days after that, at around 9 in the morning I would start counting down the hours until he came home. I realized a few days ago that I'm not doing that as much anymore. These days, if I do start counting the hours until Jon's return I don't start until 3 or 4. And by then it's not long until he comes home! Woo hoo!! If you read Abbi's blog today you know that I'm not the only one who finds some of Vera's antics and behaviors annoying. Vera is definitely the hardest on Abbi and I. It's time to refocus our attention on the JOY Vera brings to our family. She brings more joy to us each day that she's with us. As her rages diminish and her behavior improves, as she learns what family is and how much we love her NO MATTER WHAT, the real Vera is beginning to shine through. As I watched Vera play and laugh with her siblings at the pool today, I had tears behind my eyes as I thought about where she would be if she were not here with us. I can't let my mind go there today. Today we are celebrating 4 weeks with Vera!

Vera is a domestic goddess. She loves to help with ANYTHING! Her favorite activities include throwing the dirty clothes into the washer and then from the washer to the dryer. She loves to help empty the dryer. I must admit that I share her enthusiasm about opening the dryer after each load is finished. After going without a dryer for almost 6 weeks, there is still nothing that compares to pulling out truly clean, SOFT clothes and towels. Vera also loves to sweep and help with the vacuuming. And if she sees me washing dishes without her...look out! I think her favorite job is putting the silverware away. She tries to do it whether the silverware is clean or dirty. She thinks it's quite something to watch Abbi clean toilets and can't wait until we let her try. Her fascination with water has me a little hesitant about letting her splash toilet water all over the bathroom. And believe me, she would. To see the joy that performing each of these chores brings to Vera...oh my. We take so many things for granted. Vera also loves to brush the pets. We're still working on gentleness though. She is getting better, but still has a ways to go. By the end of almost every day Vera is not allowed to touch the pets. Each day we start over and hope for the best.

We love Vera's smile and laugh. We love to hear her learning more English. Her little voice is precious, especially with her Russian accent. She does have a speech problem due to her CP, but the way she says the kids' and pets' names is too cute. I really can't wait until I can have a conversation with Vera. There are so many things I want to ask her. All in due time, I guess. Vera LOVES her siblings...oh, how she loves them. And I would be a mess without them. What a privilege it has been for me as a mom to see how loving and patient they are with Vera. And with me. Last Friday I woke up with a killer headache and then Vera had a LONG, loud tantrum as soon as she got up. She woke Abbi up and everything. By the time Jacob got up, I was recovering on the couch with a cup of coffee. I told him about Vera's early wake up and tantrum and my headache and how tired I was. Without a word, he got up, got the twins and all 3 of them took Vera into her room to play. And I laid down on the couch and thanked the Lord for my awesome big kids. I don't deserve them.

Well, I was going to tell you more, but this is already longer than I thought it would be. I will leave you with Vera's One Less video. I shared this 4 weeks ago on the day she officially became an Evans and she left the orphanage FOREVER. I am waiting in eager expectation about what God is going to do in the next 4 weeks.

Progress

2011-07-19T12:10:00.000-04:00

So last time I told you that I have good things to tell you and not so good things.

We'll start with the not so good so I can end on a high note.

Oy.

Vera is handful. Which is putting it mildly. We've had to do childproofing that we weren't expecting to do for a six year old. After a tumble down the stairs, up went a gate. The first order of business on our first day home was putting doorknob things on all the doors to keep Vera out of every room. Except her room, of course. Next on the list is a lock for the fridge. She likes to open it and just stand there staring. She also likes to take anything out that she can reach and tell us she wants it. Jelly. Hot sauce. Salad dressing. You name it, she thinks she wants it.

Vera's tantrums, or maybe rages is a more appropriate word, are getting better. Last Thursday Vera had the worst rage I've seen from her. And of course, Jon wasn't here to help me. I will spare you the details. Quite frankly, there are just some things that I shouldn't share publicly. Let's just say that it was so bad and I was so angry that I was shaking. Those of you who know me hopefully know that anger is not my thing. I may get frustrated or lose my patience, but anger is just not me. Oh. I was angry. Vera was SUPER all day...until just after 4:00. Then I had to take a toy from her because she accidentally hurt Abbi with it and then refused to put it away. Vera raged for over an hour. She ended up losing her toy for good. It was really, really bad. I was so thankful that my friend bringing us dinner that day did not come during that rage. By the time Pam arrived, Vera and I had been playing and laughing in her room for about 30 minutes. You would never know what had just transpired. Except I was still shaking.

There is a Yahoo group for all the families who have already brought kids home with Reece's Rainbow. I sent out a plea for help on Friday. I told them all the gory details (well, most of them anyway) of what happened on Thursday. I told them how I handled it and asked what I should've done and what I should do in the future. I am so thankful for the support I have in this adventure. I don't know what I would do if I didn't know so many families who have been where we are and are willing to share their wisdom. Just the messages saying, "I have no advice, but know that you're not alone," brought me so much comfort. Of course, I did get conflicting advice. Some said 'follow your instincts.' Others said the opposite. Most of the books we've read about adoption do say to do the opposite of what your instincts tell you. Adopted kids need to be parented differently than biological kids. When I finally got to break away and take my shower on Friday, I had a few minutes to think. I realized that my instincts on Thursday were NOT what I would've done with Jacob, Caleb and Abbi if they had done what Vera had done. So I prayed about it and decided that I'm just going to pray for wisdom, follow my instincts and see what happens. I've always believed that God gives us instincts for a reason. I didn't have to wait long to try out my old/new philosophy. And. It worked.

So, to those of you who have kids who rage, this is what I did and what I will do again when the opportunity presents itself. Which, by my calculations, should be any minute now. I had to keep Vera from touching the cat on Friday. This has become a source of control for Vera and I'm trying to teach her that when the cat is in her bed, she can look at her but she is NOT allowed to touch her. Right after my shower, it began. The cat was sleeping in her bed under the coffee table and Vera wanted to pet her. I told her she could look, but not touch. She reached out her arm to touch Phoebe. I pulled Vera's hand back and gave her one more warning. I pointed to my eyes and told her she can look with her eyes, but she could not touch the kitty. Of course, she reached out her arm again to touch the cat. So I pulled Vera onto my lap and she fought me,, which I knew she would. My goal was to get to the rocking chair and hold Vera there and rock her until she calmed. We never made it to the rocking chair, but it ended up okay. I calmly told Vera that Mommy said she could look at but not touch the kitty and because she didn't listen, she got to sit with Mommy. Vera understood. But she didn't like it. She yelled and fought me. She was on my lap facing away from me. She would try to grab at my hair and face so I held her wrists, which always leads to her trying to bite me. I always shift so that Vera's hand or wrist ends up in her mouth instead of mine. Which usually curbs the biting attempts. I would loosen my grip on her wrists until she tried to grab at me again. She started kicking and arching her back trying to twist around, so I wrapped one of my legs around hers. Again, I only applied pressure when she fought me. I was calmly talking to Vera telling her that when she was calm I would let her go. It only took a few minutes. Vera didn't escalate to her normal rage. We took a few deep breaths. She was calm within minutes and then we sat there together watching the cat sleep. She didn't try to touch the cat again...until later. :) She hasn't had a tantrum or rage since then.

I will also say that what works for Vera may not work for other children. The books say not to intervene a rage with physical force/touch. The books say if you touch your child while they're raging, they will perceive it as a physical threat and go into self defense mode. While this may have been true of Vera when we first got her, it is not true now. When she raged in Ukraine and we tried to touch her, we could see fear on her face. We don't anymore. We think (hope) she knows us enough by now to know that we will not hurt her. Every child is different. Every parent is different. Every parent/child relationship is different. It humbles me all the more to realize that I am the mommy Vera needs. God chose me for Vera and Vera for me. Please don't misunderstand me by saying this, but it makes me smile to remember that Vera is already messed up...I really can't mess her up much more than she already is. And I do say that with love and humor. I remember when Jacob, Caleb and Abbi were little...I worried constantly about messing them up. Sometimes I still do. But with Vera, the orphanage messed her up. Being abandoned messed her up. Being a favorite at the orphanage messed her up. So even when I make mistakes in parenting Vera, at least I know that I didn't mess her up. There is a strange level of comfort in that.

One thing a friend told me was that Vera needs to know who is in control. Vera is trying to be the boss, but she needs to know that Mommy and Daddy are in control and that we can be trusted. She won't relax or feel safe until she KNOWS that we are in charge. We worked on that this weekend. God has shown Jon and I a few areas that Vera is trying to control things and we are taking the control back. Vera is learning. And she is relaxing. She is not arguing and negotiating as much. She is realizing that when we say 'no' we mean 'no.' She doesn't always like it, well she never does, but she is not screaming every time we tell her 'no' like she used to. That's a pretty big deal, actually.

So, let's move on to the good since we're moving in that direction.

Like I said, Vera seems to be relaxing. She is not asking a gazillion times a day, "Is this mine?" Now when we're in the bathroom, instead of asking if the bathtub and toilet are hers, she says, "This is Vera's and Abbi's and Jacob's and Caleb's and Papa's and Momma's." And I say, "Yes, it is the family's. It's for all of us." She is figuring out that everything in her room is really hers. She is realizing that we're not out to take her stuff. She doesn't freak out when we touch her things anymore. She's still trying to wrap her brain around all her things in her room. She'll still take things out of her closet or dresser and ask if it's hers. She'll still play with toys in her room and ask if they're hers. It must be unbelievable to go from having nothing to call your own to having so much.

Vera's afternoon orneriness has improved just since I told you about it a few days ago. Could be because she is beginning to relax. Could be because we're more intentional about keeping her occupied and out of trouble. I can now recognize Vera's genuine smile versus the I'm-about-to-do-something-really-awful smile. It's funny how Abbi and Vera have that same ornery smile. Maybe that's how I can recognize it on Vera already. I used to wonder why God gave me such a little stinker in Abbi. Maybe it was to prepare me for Vera. Sometimes Vera reminds me so much of Abbi when she was little, it's scary. But the smile Vera gave me right before she stuck her head in the toilet the other day is the same one Abbi used to give me before doing something equally as horrific. Thankfully, God answered my prayers for Abbi and she has turned into an amazing young lady. Most people don't believe what an awful little thing she used to be. She used to have me in frustrated tears frequently. Now my tears for her are out of joy, thankfulness and awe.

Anyway, Vera is starting to say more things in English. Not as much as we'd like, but we're slowly getting there. Her favorite thing to say is, "Silly dog!" We all laugh every time she says it. She's just so darn cute! She is also learning to stay in her seat, or at least stand at her place when we eat. One of our control things was that she would get up and walk around during meals and then come back and eat. The other night she got out of her chair and I blocked her from leaving the table. I told her to stay at her plate until she was finished eating. She smiled and tried to keep going. I pulled her into my lap and and told her she could either sit on my lap or in her seat, but she could not leave the table until she was done eating. She didn't like it, but she mostly compliantly sat in her seat and finished her dinner. She hasn't tried it again. Progress.

Vera loves to take baths. It's our favorite time of day. She's happy and contained and the only mess she can make cleans up quickly and easily. I can't wait to see her in the pool. I hope she's not terrified. We all think she's going to love swimming, but you just never know.

I love Vera. Oh, how I love her. One thing that several people told me is that it's okay if I don't love Vera right away. It's okay if it takes time for the love to come. Well, I've always loved Vera. Loving her is not my issue. LIKING her is sometimes hard though. But I can honestly say that I liked Vera all weekend long and all day yesterday too. It's also never crossed my mind, "What have we done?" or "I can't do this." I really don't think of Vera differently than I do the older kids. She's Vera. She's my daughter. I don't think of her as my adopted daughter versus my biological kids. Vera is mine. She's my daughter just like Abbi. I realized that as I watched them play in the water the other day. And I thanked God. There is no distinction in my mind or heart between Vera and the older 3 kids. She's just my daughter.

I do need to let all my friends and family know...do not ask me any questions about any thing. And if you must ask me questions, do not trust my answers. Here's why...the other day a friend brought us dinner. She brought a box of ice cream sandwiches for dessert which I put in the freezer. We sat down to dinner and Jon asked me what was for dessert. I told him she hadn't brought dessert and that we'd be fine without it for one night. One of the kids said, "Didn't she bring ice cream sandwiches?" Oh yeah! I had completely forgotten after just 20 minutes. Then, cleaning up the kitchen one night, the dishwasher was almost full so I put detergent in and waited for the rest of the dinner dishes. Jacob finished up for me and asked if I had put soap in yet. "No, I didn't. Can you put soap in for me and start it?" I looked at Jacob as he was looking at the dishwasher and back at me like, "What? Is Mom joking with me?" Again, I had completely forgotten that I had JUST put detergent in the dishwasher. I started dusting one day last week. I got interrupted and then forgot I had been dusting. I found my dustrag today and remembered I had started but never finished.

I'm losing my mind.

Remember those old commercials with the frying pan and the egg? "This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs."

Yeah. Well. This is my brain on Vera.

Oy!

Joy

2011-07-17T20:50:00.000-04:00

I do have things to tell you. Good things and not so good things. I do have questions and need some advice from all you people who have adopted and are further along in this than we are. But for today, I will just say that God is good and He gave us what we needed most this weekend. Joy. We (mostly I) needed some joy with Vera this weekend. And God supplied it in abundance. And I am thankful for how He loves me.

Joy.

Some very good friends of ours bought a sand table for Vera with the

intention of it being a water table since she loves water so much.

We broke it out this afternoon.

I haven't let Vera see the box for fear that she will insist we put sand in it.

I'm just not ready to mix sand and Vera.

Not yet.

Water is different.

Water is much easier to clean up.

Water I can handle right now.

While the boys worked in the yard, the girls played in water.

And we were joyful.

For three whole hours.

We laughed.

Vera adores Abbi.

But who wouldn't?

We laughed a lot.

Vera's laughter really is contagious.

If she is laughing, you can't help but laugh with her.

Someone once said that Vera's smile lights up the world.

And it does.

Seriously!

Who could not love this little face?

How could anyone think this precious one belongs in an institution?

It boggles our minds.

Both girls ended up dripping...literally...from head to toe.

Vera's legs were so tired from standing there for 3 hours,

she couldn't walk up the stairs to her room.

Jon had to help me change her clothes because

her legs couldn't hold her up anymore.

She played hard.

She laughed hard.

Joy personified.

Home for a Week

2011-07-14T21:30:00.000-04:00

We've been home for a week. Can you believe it?!

In some ways it seems like we never left. Some days our time in Ukraine seems like a dream, a blur. Sometimes it seems like Vera has always been here...always been with us. Other times I'm left thinking, "Seriously, God?" Overall it's been a really good week. Vera seems to be adjusting amazingly well. She loves her siblings and they love her. She loves our pets...a little too much. Vera loves her room and her toys and will sometimes even play in her room all by herself. Sometimes.

Our daily routine:

Vera wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00 each morning. Today she woke up at 7:10. It was glorious! I get up with her, take her to peezit (potty) and we head to the kitchen. She eats yogurt and some fruit.

Next we play. If any of the kids are up, they play in Vera's room with her while I check email.
The big kids eat breakfast between 9 and 10 and Vera usually eats something with them. Vera told us one day when Sasha was with us that she doesn't like hot cereal. But she loves oatmeal. Especially if the big kids are eating it too. We clean up breakfast, brush teeth and either get Vera dressed or give her a bath.

Then we play...sometimes in Vera's room, sometimes the living room. Sometimes we go back and forth. Sometimes she'll sit and let me read to her. Sometimes not.

After lunch Vera needs extra attention. She just gets ornery. Every day so far we've gone through ALL of our movies and EVERYTHING else in the living room. Vera picks up each thing and asks, "Is this mine?" She's gone through all the cupboards and drawers in the kitchen with the same question. She's gone through all of my books with the same question. We do this EVERY DAY! Sometimes more than once a day. Will someone please tell me she'll eventually stop this? My answer is always the same. Sometimes Vera will try to negotiate with me and convince me that whatever is in her hand should be hers. Of course, she negotiates in Russian and I have no idea what she's saying, but it's obvious she is negotiating. She never wins her little one sided debate, but how many times will we play this game? As Vera would say, oy! This part of our day truly wears my patience down. Mostly because I want to say, "I already told you, this is so-and-so's!"

We (I, now that Jon is back to work) spend most of the afternoon running defense with Vera trying to keep her out of mischief.

Then comes dinner. Vera is eating really well. Especially if we put a cookie or brownie in front of her. The other day she turned up her nose at macaroni and cheese for lunch. Come on! What kid doesn't like mac & cheese?! I put a cookie in front of her and told her she could have it when her lunch was gone. She ate it all in about 5 minutes. What do you know! We haven't forced her to eat everything...we have found that she'll gag on food she truly doesn't like. Usually when she takes a bite of something she's never had, she makes a face like she's not going to like it. She'll chew a bit and taste it and then she smiles and nods and sits forward to continue eating. Different friends have been bringing us dinner each night since we've been home. This has been such a needed amazing blessing. I'm still worried about how I'll do it when the meal train is over, but I guess I'll figure it out when the time comes. Afternoons are very difficult. And what will Vera think the first day that no one comes in the afternoon with food and gifts for her?

After dinner we either play some more, read, listen to music or continue to run interference with Vera.

And then, my favorite part of the day...BEDTIME! I remember looking so forward to bedtime when the big kids were little. Here we are again. Either I'm getting older or Vera is worse than the twins were combined. Vera usually goes to bed at 8:00 without a fight. We brush teeth, peezit, put PJ's on and head to her room. She always wants Jon to stay in her room while she falls asleep. She's been falling asleep in less than 20 minutes. With very little swaying and jerking. For this we are thankful.

On Tuesday Vera was a pill ALL DAY! From the time she woke up until she went to bed. When we went through the videos playing the 'Is this mine?' game, she got upset and just started pulling them all off the shelf. Same thing with my books. Jon or I would remove her and bring her to her room and show her HER books and HER toys and HER things. She would chase the cat around and grab her underside. She would chokehold Toby. She would repeatedly and continually touch things that we told her not to touch. (I could be describing Abbi at the age of two!) It was a trying day. She had a tantrum late in the day that, thankfully, Jon handled. It was all about a magnet. That's another thing we go through repeatedly. The magnets on the fridge. 'Is this mine?' We told Vera one or two of them could be hers but they had to stay on the fridge with all the others. She did NOT like that. Whenever we tell Vera that something is hers, she takes it away and hoards it in her room. I'm sure this is typical orphanage behavior, but it is rather annoying. We're trying to teach her that she can have her things in other rooms and they will still be hers. We won't take her things when she's not looking. Her things will stay in the same place unless SHE moves them. I guess it will take time for her to figure that out.

I've told a few people that Vera is like a two year old trapped in the body of a 6 year old. We can't leave her on her own like we could with our big kids when they were 6. She cannot be trusted. Not that we're trying to leave her alone, but I would love to take a shower one day and not have to rush through it for fear of what Vera is doing. The big kids can handle her for a bit, but Vera gets to the point where she needs mommy or daddy time. I'm getting to where I can see she's heading there and intervene before crazy Vera enters the picture.

Someone asked me the other day why I say that Vera is like a two year old. Behaviorally she is two. Emotionally she is two. Maturity wise she is two. I think most of this is because she grew up in an orphanage. Her behavior is pretty typical for institutional living. I also think some of her behavior is because she's used to getting what she wants. Her caregivers at the orphanage would give her what she wanted to keep her from having a tantrum. One day when she was so upset about going back to her group and having a meltdown outside the door, a caregiver came out and told Vera that if she stopped screaming and came inside she could have a piece of candy. Nice. So, I think part of her ornery-ness is that she's waiting for a bribe. She's slowly learning that bribery is not our game and we will not give in to her tantrums and negotiations. Mommy and Daddy don't give candy, but we do give hugs and kisses and I love you's. She's slowly learning, with much repetition, that Vera is not in charge. Mommy (and Daddy) is the boss.

Discipline is a challenge. Because of her background, we can't spank her. There are moments when all I can think is, 'You SO need a spankin' little girl!' We can't put her in time out. She would live in time out if it were an option. She is figuring out self control though. She throws things when she's mad and when she does, we take away whatever she's thrown. When she calms down, she gets her toy back. With the big kids, we would've had them wait an hour or two (or all day) before giving them back whatever they had thrown. But by giving Vera her things back as soon as she calms down, she's learning self control. Sometimes she'll calm down as soon as we pick up whatever she's thrown. Every once in awhile she'll even look at what's in her hand and contemplate chucking it across the room. This is good progress, though we know it's still going to take much more time for the tantrums to subside altogether. If any of you have advice about how to handle the toy throwing, please share. Vera had her longest tantrum yet this afternoon and I could see her looking around for a toy to throw that she didn't care about losing. Maybe our tactic of giving things right back isn't the way to go. I'm at a loss.

Communication is going pretty well. We don't always understand her, but we think she understands most of what we tell her. This morning she wanted Cheerios. She had set the table (photo coming) and I asked her if she wanted the cereal on her plate or in her bowl. She pointed to the bowl and said, "bowl." She can always answer our questions accordingly with a 'yes' or 'no' or if we've given her a choice between two things, she'll choose one. Yesterday after she had gone through all the movies for the 9th time, she came across the kids' baby albums. She looked at each of them and then said, "Where's mine?" Oh, break my heart. I will never have a baby album for Vera. I will never be able to tell her about the first time she rolled over or sat up or smiled or laughed. She kept pointing to the kids' albums and then went in to a long lecture to me. She was talking and pointing to the albums and pointing to herself and pointing to me. She said something like, "Jacob has a book. Caleb has a book. Abbi has a book. Why doesn't Vera have a book? Vera needs a book too." Later that day she was looking at all the pictures on our refrigerator. There are two of our family before Vera. She went through each person and named our names. Then she looked at me and said, "Where's Vera?" Oh, sweet Vera. You're here now. We will do everything we can to make up for the 6 years that we missed.

I do have more to say, but I hate long blog posts so I'll close for now. I need to share about a few other things and get some thoughts and advice from those of you who have already walked in my shoes. Stay tuned. AND, the blog is no longer private! Many of you sent me messages saying you wished you could share certain posts with your friends. FEEL FREE! Share with the world! We're home now and there's no reason to keep the blog private anymore! YAY!

And of course, I can't leave you without pictures!

Vera loves the tickle game!

She negotiates with each of us how many times we have to let her tickle us.

She tells us to lay down and close our eyes.

She goes into the kitchen and then sneaks up on us to tickle us.

She is not a quiet walker though, and we can always hear her coming.

Vera is finally learning that if she is soft and GENTLE, the cat will come to her.

She also learned that if she pinches the cat, the cat WILL bite her.

It was a gentle bite that didn't even leave a mark, but Vera cried.

AND she let me console her and kiss her owie. Progress.

Vera got a haircut on Monday!

As you can see, it went VERY well!

She learned how to make popsicles with apple juice.

Vera LOVES to set the table. When we were in the apartment in Ukraine, she would set the table several times a day. A great friend of mine brought Vera some plastic dishes yesterday. This morning Vera did not waste any time in setting the table...complete with every single placemat she could find.

Today we had to run to the grocery store to get a few things. Vera was beyond excited when I told her. She picked out her own ensemble for the outing. This proves how much I've relaxed since the big kids were little. I never would've let Abbi leave the house looking like this. Now my attitude is WHO CARES?! Everyone will think she's darling...and everyone did!

The Difference a Family Makes

2011-07-11T08:42:00.000-04:00

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

I had intended to write a different post with the first 3 pictures below. I was planning to rant and rave about why we ALL need to do something to care for orphans. None of us have good reasons not to do something. I'm not saying that everyone should adopt...I know many people can't for legitimate reasons. But I am convinced that many of you reading this are supposed to adopt. I just know it. A few of you have even sent me messages saying that you've begun the process to adopt, due largely to things I am telling you about here. Sharing Vera's experience has prompted some of you to set aside your own notions and to really pray and seek God's will about adoption. That humbles me greatly. It also motivates me even more to continue to share. So I will.

Remember when I told you about how Vera falls asleep? You can read about it here if you missed it or need a refresher. She would fight us when it was time for bed. She never wanted to lay down. Seeing how she falls asleep, I can't blame her for fighting it. I really don't think she likes the place where she goes in order to fall asleep. I wish I knew where that place is. Then again, maybe I don't. Anyway, I took these pictures at our apartment in Ukraine. This is how Vera's hair looked every morning when she woke up. Sometimes it was worse. Her violent swaying and jerking left her hair a complete mess each morning.
We've been home since Thursday. Vera is a different girl than the one who had me sobbing in the bathroom last Wednesday. She is calm. She is peaceful. She's had ONE tantrum since we've been home. One. She was having several a day in Ukraine. I am still thanking God for every hour that goes by without a tantrum. :) Vera belongs here. We think she knows it. From the time we walked in to the house on Thursday, she has seemed to feel at home here. It's been natural. She loves her siblings. She loves our pets. She loves her room and her toys. Vera is enjoying using the bathroom when she needs to and not when she's told to. She enjoys getting a drink when she's thirsty and not when she's told to. She knows we'll give her food when she's hungry and not just at the same time every day. She has freedom. She has choices. She has a family who loves her dearly.

Vera has spent 4 nights in her new bed in her new room in her new home with her new family. The first morning she woke up at 3. The second morning she woke up at 5. The night before last, she got a good, normal night's sleep. Last night was also a normal night of sleep. I took these pictures below this morning. Go back and look at the before pictures.

Look at how she wakes up now. Do you know what the difference is? In Ukraine, she would sway and jerk for over an hour every night. Sometimes it was 2 hours. One night it was over 3. Two nights ago, Vera was asleep in 30 minutes. Last night it took a whopping 15 minutes.
Vera still sways and jerks as she falls asleep. But it doesn't last long. She is comfortable here. She is relaxed. She is safe. She is LOVED. She doesn't need to spend as much time in 'that place' before she drifts off to sleep. I'm not saying that we don't have a long road ahead of us. We do. Part of me is wondering if this is the calm before the storm. There is much healing that needs to take place, and I'm not talking about her CP. But I think these photos are a testament to the difference having a family makes.
I don't know about you, but this shows me that adoption matters. Adoption makes a difference.
Don't you agree?

2011-07-10T10:43:00.000-04:00

I've been planning this song for this event for many months...and now it's complete. Praise the Lord!! Listen to the words as you watch. And you may want a tissue. :) Thank you to everyone who made our homecoming so very special.

The Homecoming Story - and It's a Good One!

2011-07-09T09:21:00.001-04:00

Oh, friends. I have such good things to tell you about our trip home. I had asked many of you to pray specifically about our travel home with Vera, and boy, did God answer! In so many big and wonderful ways!

Jon and I got up at 2:30 am on Thursday (Ukraine time) to shower and do the last minute packing. We woke Vera at 3:30. It took a few minutes to wake her, but when she finally sat up she stretched out her arms like an airplane and pretended to fly. I confirmed to her that, yes, we were up in the middle of the night to go get on a plane and head home! She was so excited!! She walked around the apartment saying, "Paka" to everything. Paka bathroom. Paka kitchen. Paka bedroom. It was so cute! We left our apartment at 4:00 am and Niko (good ole' Niko!) drove us to the airport. We checked in with no problems and when we arrived at our gate, the plane was already boarding. We took a bus to the plane and got right on. Our seats were in the very back row. I sat by the window and we put Vera in between us. She was such a champ! She was so excited to be on the plane heading home. She smiled and jibber jabbered. The plane started moving and we could tell she was nervous, but she kept flashing us smiles. Jon was explaining to Vera with motions and sounds what was going to happen. She did fabulous. Just fabulous. As we were climbing, she pointed to her ears and had this pained look on her face. We gave her a snack hoping the chewing would help. She never made mention of her ears again. Praise God! She enjoyed it whenever the flight attendants brought her a drink or snack. She sat on my lap a bit and looked out the window. She never fussed once. We landed in Amsterdam a few hours later and Vera started clapping and smiling. Then she said, "Dome! Dome!" (Home! Home!) So we had to explain to her that we still had one LONG flight to go. She was so excited to be coming home! As were we!!

We spent almost 3 hours in Amsterdam and it was a good thing. We hadn't been given our boarding passes for our 2nd flight when we checked in in Kiev. Jon tried 3 different kiosks in Amsterdam and none of them worked for us. They worked for other people, but not us. We went and found our gate and Vera and I hung out there while Jon tried to find a desk to get our boarding passes. It got to the point where we had less than an hour until our plane was supposed to take off. No sign of Jon. He had been gone almost an hour. I admit, I had knots in my stomach. All I could think was, "I need to go home. Please, Lord, get us on this plane." I worried. And then, I prayed. I knew God knew we needed to go home. He knew I was done with this trip. He knew the other kids needed us home. He knew. Finally, Jon found us and we were all set. Apparently when we checked in in Kiev, they had input Vera's passport information incorrectly and the errors had to be fixed. We got in the very long line and waited to be interviewed before boarding the plane. That was no big deal. Vera panicked a bit when we went through security. Those big, new x-ray things scare her terribly. Thankfully, they just used the wand on Vera...they didn't even make her get out of the stroller. Thank You, God! We made our way to the front of the very packed crowd thinking that when the plane started boarding they would let us be among the first on since Vera obviously needs help. But when the attendant came, she just opened the door and everyone flooded through. What happened to boarding First Class and those who need assistance first?! I was frustrated. Halfway down the jetway, we had to get Vera out of the stroller to gate check it. People were so impatient. I got even more frustrated. Granted, I was exhausted, but I kept my cool. We got on the plane and got all situated for the long, almost 9 hour flight to Atlanta.

Before I share what God did next, I have to tell you this. Vera has tantrums. But they're not just any tantrum. She screams, she bites, she hits, she pulls hair. I will be sharing with you soon about Vera's tantrums because I want to help you understand why she does this. Let me just say now that on Wednesday evening I locked myself in the bathroom and cried and cried and cried. I was so done with Ukraine. I needed to come home. I missed the other kids. I was sick of the apartment and trying to keep a 6 year old who doesn't know how to play with toys entertained. I needed to come home.

So, we got all situated in our seats and Vera entertained herself with the buttons on the screen in front of her and the magazines in her seat pocket. I sat next to a lovely woman who commented on Vera's cuteness and asked how old she is. I told her she's 6 and that was that. She had her Kindle in her lap and earphones in. But a few minutes later she asked me if we were returning from a vacation. I told her we had just spent 5 1/2 weeks in Ukraine to adopt Vera. We were finally going home. Well, the Lord hand-picked this Christ-loving woman to sit next to me on the plane. I had tears rolling down my cheeks as she told me that she adopted her son 5 years ago from Russia when he was 4 years old. Can you believe that?! I didn't ask her to, but she gave me so much encouragement. She told me the first month or so is going to be really tough, but once Vera is speaking more English, things will get much better. I was able to ask this woman questions about Vera's tantrums and sleeping and all sorts of things. Oh, how I needed this woman right then! Glory to God!!

The long flight over the ocean went very well. We were fed well and Vera was such a trooper! She asked to go to the bathroom quite a bit, but I think she was just tired of sitting. She was either sitting in her stroller or sitting on the airplane the whole time. Sometimes when we took her to the bathroom she actually went, but usually not. :) She is terrified of flushing the toilets on airplanes. Poor thing. Overall she was so content. She never cried. She fussed a few times, but for the most part she was agreeable. Another huge answer to prayer! A few hours into the flight, Vera started her bedtime swaying. We knew she had to be exhausted so we gave her a little melatonin to help her fall asleep calmly. Within 30 minutes she was sound asleep. I was hoping she would sleep 4 hours, but after 2 she woke up and was done. When Vera was awake, she would say, "America!" every few minutes with her cute little Russian accent. Then she would say the kids' names. She was beside herself excited about coming home. Can I get an Amen here? That is another HUGE answer to prayer!

Finally we landed in Atlanta. I was fighting back tears the last 30 minutes of our flight. We were HOME! I can't even express how that felt. It makes me cry now just remembering. We got off the plane and got in the long line at passport control. It actually went pretty quickly. We were then taken to an office where someone had to review Vera's Ukrainian passport and our adoption documentation. That took 10 or 15 minutes and Vera just sat there quietly in her stroller. Another answer to prayer! She was just as done with the trip as we were. We kept telling her, "In a few minutes, we'll see Jacob and Caleb and Abbi!" She was probably wondering if we were really going to see them. We got our go ahead to leave passport control and went to get our baggage and re-check it. That was quick and easy if I remember correctly. :)

THEN, my poor little baby was traumatized for life. As was I. We had to go through security again to enter the main part of the airport. We had not had any trouble with security being understanding about Vera...until then. This was Homeland Security. And they were not messing around. I am all for making sure America is safe, but what they did to us is inexcusable and ridiculous. We got all our carry-on things put on the conveyor belt and Jon went through the big x-ray thing. This scares Vera just watching and she started to get panicky. I bent down to comfort her and she put a death grip on my hand. I told the man that Vera has CP and can we please let her stay in the stroller. I don't really remember everything he said to me, but Vera and I were separated. The man explained that a lady would take Vera while I went through the x-ray thing. I asked if I could wait until Jon was done so that he could be with Vera. Well, Jon got pinged for a private, full pat-down and had already been taken away. I asked the man to please make sure Vera could see me at all times. I explained that we just adopted her and she doesn't speak our language and she's terrified (which was obvious by her crying and the look on her face...one I will never forget). Well, they didn't care. Away my screaming, terrified Vera went while I went through the machine. I got done and they made me wait there until I was cleared. Finally the security man let me go to Vera. She was just a mess. I was so ready to yell at someone, but I knew I had to keep my cool so I wouldn't scare Vera any more than she already was. Then the lady who had taken Vera away asked me if she can stand up at all. I said yes, but she needs help. So the lady had me get Vera out of the stroller and stand up. Then she gave Vera a full pat down, while Vera is crying and looking at me obviously still terrified. Strange hands all over her body, hair and clothing. The lady finished and I pulled Vera onto my lap to calm her down while the stroller was taken away to be checked with the bomb detection swabbing things. Meanwhile, our things were all piled up at the end of the conveyor belt. Anyone could've run off with our stuff this whole time. Jon was still not back. I did not see one other person get a pat down. Just us. Crazy! The lady brought the stroller back to me and told me we could go. I calmly talked to Vera and told her we were going to go get our shoes back on and get our things and then we would go. She nodded at me through her tears and finally quit crying. I put her in the stroller and went to start gathering our things and put mine and Vera's shoes back on. Jon finally joined us at this point and I just wanted to cry. I couldn't believe they just did this to us. Vera, though, she was so amazing. She cried when she was scared, but she calmed right down when the whole ordeal was over. And I will say that it was good to see her scared to be taken away by someone else. It was good that she was calling for ME, her mommy. It was good that she knew she was supposed to be with me. It was good that she let me comfort her and calm her down instead of swaying and sucking her fingers. It was a bad situation, but there was good in it too. Although, the whole thing really could have, should have been avoided.

We left security and went to find a restroom before heading down to the train that would take us to the escalator that would take us to our family. Vera was scared when we pushed her onto the train, but I sat down right in front of her and held her hands. I told her the train was going to move and she would push back in her stroller. We would go really fast and then the train would stop and she would lean forward in her stroller. I told her the train will do this 4 times and then we'll go see Jacob and Caleb and Abbi. This made her smile.

I had to share that security story so that you will appreciate even more how Vera was when we finally got off that escalator and hugged our kids. Have you seen the pictures on Facebook? She was ALL smiles. She gave each of the kids big bear hugs. It was so awesome! Another answer to prayer!! She was so ready to be with her brothers and sister. So ready. Only God could've done that.

Our homecoming was awesome. I couldn't hold back my tears as I hugged each of my big kids. 5 1/2 weeks is really too long to go without hugging them. We spent a few minutes with Jacob, Caleb and Abbi and then we headed out to where our welcome wagon was patiently waiting for us.

Here's part of the group awaiting our arrival.

Oh my. To hug my precious friends. To cry with them. There are no words.

We were so blessed and thankful to have Jon's brother and his wife here for our arrival.

They drove all the way from Illinois to help welcome Vera home.

Having Jenn and Pam there meant the world to me (below). If not for these two beautiful women, we would not have found Vera. Jenn (on the left) has been advocating for Vera since September 2009...at the same time that Jon and I began seriously discussing foster care and adoption. Jenn prayed, hollered and fundraised for Vera like you wouldn't believe. For almost 2 years. If I remember correctly, Jenn and Pam met last year in a round about way because Pam's family hosted a girl from Ukraine last Christmas thru New Horizons. Pam and I had met a few years ago and then lost touch. Because of New Horizons and a comment Pam had made on their Facebook page, Pam and I became FB friends. Jenn had posted Vera's picture on Facebook, and on Valentine's Day Pam shared the photo on her wall where I saw Vera's precious face for the first time. And I knew she was ours. These two women will forever hold a special place in our hearts.
Our homecoming was more than we could ask for. We are home.

There are many more photos I want to share with you. I'm also working on something fabulous for you, but I'm waiting for a few more pictures to be emailed to me (hint, hint). I can't save the photos that were posted on Facebook. In the meantime, these will have to do.

Thank you all for journeying with us. Thank you for praying. Thank you for showering so much love on us. Thank you to everyone who signed up to bring us meals. I can't even tell you what a blessing this is to us. We are beyond thankful.

Bustin' Her OUT!!

2011-07-06T01:34:00.002-04:00

June 29, 2011

A day we will not soon forget.

We legally, officially became the parents of 4!!

We were picked up at 7:45 am to begin the paper chase. First to the courthouse to get our court decree. Then to pick up Vera's new birth certificate with Jon and I named as her parents. Then to the notary to sign the new birth certificate. Then to the passport office where we waited and waited and waited. For almost 2 hours. But you don't hear me complaining!! In some regions the wait for the passport is 3 - 5 DAYS...waiting for 2 hours was no big deal. It was lunch time and I was starving and starting to shake, so Viktor (Sasha's husband and our driver) took me to McDonald's to grab a bite. I told him what I wanted and he told me to sit and he would order our food. He speaks a little English, but not enough to chat over lunch. So we sat there in silence each lost in our own thoughts. We went back to the passport office and picked up Jon and Sasha. Then we headed to the bank to close out Vera's account. The government here puts a small amount of money into each orphan's account every month. We closed Vera's account and donated the money to her orphanage. They were SO appreciative of that gift. Did you know that Ukraine will be closed to international adoptions beginning next Monday? Yep. Closed. 'They' say the closure will last 3 months, but Sasha's words to us were, "I know my country. It will take much longer than 3 months." The last time SDA closed it lasted 6 months. Sasha thinks this closure will last 8 months or more. But God is in control. We must keep that in mind. Do you know what will happen during the closure? The orphanages will get more crowded. The children will suffer. Part of our adoption fees included a donation to Vera's orphanage, aside from what we gave from her bank account. 3 other children were in the process of being adopted from Vera's orphanage at the same time as Vera. That means several thousand dollars in donations. The closure means that the orphanages will lose this much needed income. For 3 months or more. While children continue to be put in the orphanages. It's crazy! Many, many people here are very worried about the SDA closure and all the implications. The children will suffer. We need to storm heaven with prayers that the closure will be short-lived.

Anyway, our last stop before heading to Vera's orphanage was to the bank to close her account. As we were walking in, Sasha told us THIS is where we would need to exercise patience. It was a government bank, versus a private one, and the employees were in no hurry to help us. We were there for over 2 hours. We waited at the bank longer than we waited anywhere else that day.

Finally, it was time to go get Vera and bust her out. I was excited and scared and nervous and emotional. We arrived at the orphanage and first gave our donation to the bookkeepers. Then we went to another office and signed a paper saying we are now responsible for Vera. Then we headed to her room. We got there right after naptime and the children were still in the bedroom (we finally got to see it and they let me take pictures...I'll just say for now, that Vera is WAY too big for the bed she was in...made me so sad to see). Vera saw us come in and instantly started crying. We figured she would. She threw her arms around Alla's neck and said in Russian, "I'm going to miss you so much!" Poor baby. She sobbed and sobbed and finally Alla took her into the bathroom to calm her down and wash her face. They returned and we dressed Vera in the clothes I brought. The children do not leave the orphanage with any clothes. We had to bring everything Vera would wear out of there. We got Vera dressed and then Alla fixed her hair.

Isn't she so pitiful?

Can you imagine how scared she must've been?

Olya (our favorite caregiver) had left at 1:00 (wish we had known that beforehand), but left her phone number and asked if we would let Vera call her to say goodbye. Vera thought that was pretty special.

Then we emptied out Vera's locker.

Sasha told Vera to go say one more goodbye to her group.

Vera walked in all smiles waving and saying, "Paka! Paka!"

One last hug for Alla.

And then we headed down the stairs...

Vera did not want to hold our hands down the stairs.

She wanted to do it herself.

Walking out the door for the very last time.

Paka, baby home 19.

Vera will never enter your gate again!

She is an orphan no more!!

Slava Bogu!!

(Praise God!!)

Vera Beth Evans

2011-07-03T16:03:00.001-04:00

I know I said that my next post would be about busting Vera out of the orphanage and I am working on it. Our internet connection here is okay, but uploading pictures is slower than S L O W. So, I'll give you this one since I already had it ready.

Are you wondering about her name?

Vera Beth Evans

Vera means Faith.

Beth means House.

House? What's so meaningful about House? Oh, dear friends, I am so weepy as I write this. Did you read the post about the night we chose Vera's middle name? There were so many possibilities. So many great names with even greater meanings. Not all of them worked with Vera though.

I can't remember who said it first, but one of the kids said Beth.

Vera Beth

Vera Beth Evans

We all said it out loud and liked the sound of it. We looked up the meaning.

Vera Beth

Faith House

House of Faith

Goosebumps

Why is this so meaningful to us?

Oh, glory to God. This whole journey has been one of faith. We've been on a wild roller coaster for 18 months with twists and turns that we were not expecting. We've delighted, we've rejoiced, we've grieved, we've cried. But through it all, our faith increased. Through this journey we became a house of faith. Not necessarily because we chose it, but because God purposed it. God has used this adventure to create in us a house of faith.

We could not think of a better or more appropriate name for this little girl.

Faith House

Vera Beth

We like it!

Sidenote...it is SO appropriate that I'm sharing this post today. TODAY Vera starting say her name...Vera Beth. Before when we would say her name to her, she would shake her head and say, "Nyet." Today, she was Vera Beth.

They Need to Know

2011-07-02T03:02:00.000-04:00

Okay, it's been a few days and I know you all want to hear about Wednesday when we busted Vera out of the orphanage. I promise I will tell you all about it and post pictures. Getting Vera out of there was good and hard and amazing and heartbreaking and joyous. I'm sure it was all of these things and more for Vera.

But today I must write about something else. I can't go back to Wednesday until I share this. This is one of those posts that I'm sitting here thinking, "Should I really share this? What if it scares people away from adopting?" I have prayed about it and all I'm hearing is, "They need to know." I am not going to mince words, so be prepared. I am not going to sugar coat it. My hope and prayer is that this post will move you to ACT. I also hope to hear from those of you who have been, there done that...how can we help Vera through this? What worked for your child?

Self-soothing.

We had heard about it and read about it. Perhaps not enough. Vera was in a 'good' orphanage. Maybe I thought she wouldn't do it. I don't know. But I need to share this so you can picture it. I had heard about rocking and other behaviors orphans do to self-soothe. I guess I just didn't REALLY know what to expect.

So when you go to bed tonight I want you to lay on your back. Tilt your head back a little like someone is going to start CPR on you. Start swaying your head from right to left. Sway enough so that each of your ears touches the pillow and your shoulders lift up. As soon as we turn the light out, Vera starts doing this. It's immediate. She sucks the middle two fingers on her left hand. Then she'll stop sucking her fingers and start jerking her arms and kicking. I am in no way trying to be funny when I say it reminds me of the Elaine Dance from Seinfeld. I just watched this clip without sound (below) and this is it. Vera starts doing something very similar to this (while laying down) and her eyes roll back in her head.

Vera alternates between sucking her fingers and swaying her head and doing the above. The whole time, it's like Vera goes away. She gets an autistic look on her face. Two nights ago it took an hour and fifteen minutes for her to fall asleep. Last night it was a better night...only 45 minutes and less of the Elaine Dance. She does this routine at naptime too. Every time I watch her fall asleep, I cry. After the first time, I sobbed for an hour. It just breaks my heart to watch her go to another place. It breaks my heart to see Vera disappear. It breaks my heart.

Where does Vera go while she's self soothing? How many nights has she done this? How many more nights will she do it? Why didn't we come sooner? Vera didn't start walking until this past November...would Jon and I have come for her sooner knowing she couldn't walk? I don't have answers to these questions. Watching her fall asleep last night I thought about all the kids in her group. All the kids in her orphanage. All the orphans in this country and in Eastern Europe and the rest of the world. Do you know how many orphans there are? Depending on your source it's anywhere from 143,000,000 to 147,000,000. Did you catch all those zeros? How many of them fall asleep the way Vera does because no one is there to comfort them? No one is there to rock them or hold them close or rub their back or tell them they are loved. How did 'Allie' and 'Lisa' and Nice Girl fall asleep last night?

Friends, there are many more Vera's that need families. There are tens of millions of children putting themselves to sleep in similar ways because they're on their own. I am writing this to beg you to HELP! GET THESE KIDS OUT OF THE ORPHANAGES! Children do NOT belong in orphanages. There are so many ways you can do something to help. I know some of you will say you can't adopt and you have legitimate reasons. But that doesn't mean you can't help other families who are rescuing orphans. You can donate to their adoption funds and help them get their kids out of here. You can tell others to donate. You can advocate. I can tell you of at least 2 dozen families who are fundraising RIGHT NOW to come over here to rescue these kids. I never thought of Jon and I as rescuing Vera. We are not her saviors. Her life was not in danger...well, the institution would have killed her, but we will not get off the plane in Atlanta and head straight to the hospital like so many other families have done. She is not malnourished or dehydrated like so many other orphans here. But seeing how she falls asleep in her own little world has opened my eyes a little wider. This WAS a rescue mission. Vera has been rescued.

But what about all the others?

Now, to those of you who have always thought about adopting...to those of you wondering if you should...to those of you asking if now is the time...

NOW IS THE TIME!

DO IT!

DON'T WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE!

Don't let these precious ones continue like this.

Adoption matters! Adopting one child makes a difference.

Let this post move you to ACT! If we can do this, anyone can. There is nothing special about Jon or I. Don't think that adoption is for other people, stronger people, better people, richer people. That's what I used to think. It's a lie. The enemy wants to keep people from adopting because adoption is ALWAYS God's plan. If you are afraid, if you are making excuses, tell God and listen for His response. Listen to His heart. Read His word. PRAY and seek HIS will. When you choose to adopt, God will teach you things that He can only teach you through the adoption process. Are you saying 'no' to adoption because you've prayed about it and God is saying 'no'? Because if you're saying 'no' for any other reason, shame on you! These kids need families.

And by the way, have I told you how much I love this little girl? Sometimes I look at her and it seems like I gave birth to her. Just one of those amazing adoption things, I suppose.

Next time I'll fill you in about busting Vera out. Since Wednesday we have had many good, amazing moments. A few hard ones too, but the joy Vera brings us is powerful. As much as I hate to watch her fall asleep, Vera wakes up with a smile and giggle no matter how much sleep she's had. She is blessing us much more than we are blessing her.

I hate to think that so many people are missing out on the blessing of adoption simply because of stupid excuses. I am begging you to reevaluate your reasons for saying 'no' to adoption. Having been here and seen what I've seen, I honestly can't think of one good reason for anyone not to adopt.

As Nike would say, JUST DO IT!

ONE LESS!!

2011-06-29T00:13:00.002-04:00

We humbly invite you to turn your volume WAY up!

Sing with us!

Dance with us!

Cry with us!

Laugh with us!

Today we are celebrating ONE LESS!!

She Will Be Missed

2011-06-28T06:49:00.000-04:00

The goodbye's have begun.

Vera will be missed by many here.

Last week we began taking pictures of Vera with her (and our) favorite people at the orphanage. My awesome husband went out yesterday and got the pictures printed and bought frames for them. We started giving them out yesterday afternoon. We gave out more today and I do believe I wasn't the only one with tears in my eyes.

This is Olya. She obviously loves Vera a great deal.

Olya is the (only) one who takes the kids to the playground.

She went with us when Vera had her passport photo taken.

We learned that Olya has taken Vera out before and let her ride the bus.

We haven't seen Olya in several days...I do hope she's there tomorrow to say goodbye.

This is Mama Luda. She's the only person here (besides me) that Vera has called Mama.

Luda works in the baby room and obviously enjoys what she does.

She's one that came outside to calm Vera one day when she was hysterical.

She specifically asked for a copy of this picture.

We haven't seen Ana in a few days either.

I sure hope we get to say goodbye and give her this picture.

She obviously loves Vera lots!

And Alla.

Alla obviously loves Vera too.

She's the one who gently wrapped her arm around Vera that day

when the other caregiver got in Vera's face.

Two of the nurses in the orphanage...

They always seem happy to see us.

Which isn't the case with everyone here.

I'm sad to say I don't know her name, but Vera can tell us.

She is very patient and kind with all the children.

We gave her this picture yesterday and she was very thankful.

This is my favorite nurse.

We gave her this picture today and she said 'spaciba'

countless times and gave us a thumbs up.

She also said, "Klauss." (which means 'cool.')

This is one of the janitor/groundskeepers.

He reminds Jon and I of my dad.

He is always so kind and patient with Vera.

He answers her countless 'Whys' and 'Hows' with a smile no matter how long it takes.

The other day she must have asked him questions for at least 20 minutes.

He would laugh at the funny things she said.

He would show her things she asked about.

Things she's probably wanted to ask and see for years.

She's finally getting answers.

We gave this picture to him today and he put his hand

over his heart and then gave us a thumbs up. He was so appreciative.

She will be missed by many.

So, I will likely be out of commission for a few days. Tomorrow we'll be running around getting all the necessary paperwork and hopefully Vera's passport. Pray we can get her passport tomorrow! After we have the passport, we'll go get Vera and bust her out of the orphanage! Can you believe it? TOMORROW!! We only have to say 'goodbye' to Vera ONE MORE TIME this afternoon. Sasha came to the orphanage today and Vera had more questions. She asked if we have gloves for her yet. We told her we'll get some as soon as we get home and she can pick them out herself. She asked where Kiev is, how long it'll take to get to there and how long we'll be there. She asked if her brothers and sister are waiting for her in Kiev. She asked how long she'll live with us. She told us the menu of foods she would like to eat (potatoes, apples, soup, bananas, and meat). She asked if we will we drive to America or do we have to fly.

Jon and I are just amazed. We are so blessed to be Vera's parents. God hand-picked her for us and we are so thankful. Vera is such a precious, special little girl. Many of you have said how blessed Vera is to get to be part of our family. But the truth is, WE are the blessed ones. I've heard other adoptive parents say that. Now I get it. We are the ones who are blessed. This journey has been pretty amazing. Tomorrow we will FINALLY close this chapter. And the REAL adventure will begin!

I'll update you again as soon as I can. Hopefully we'll have a good internet connection in Kiev! We're packing and working on embassy paperwork today. Tomorrow will be an early, long day. But a day to celebrate!!

Lunch Date

2011-06-26T08:43:00.000-04:00

I've been dreading writing this post. But it must be said.

I've come to the ironic conclusion that children do not belong in orphanages.

Duh!

Children belong with families...mommies and daddies and maybe a sibling or two...or three...or four...or sometimes more or sometimes none. But they definitely belong with mommies and daddies. Nannies and caregivers are just that. Nannies and caregivers don't say, "I love you." Nannies and caregivers don't give hugs. They don't comfort when a child is hurt. Most nannies and caregivers (that we've seen) do their best, but when you're responsible for 11 - 15 kids at one time, there's only so much you can do.

Sigh.

I am so thankful for all the time we've been able to spend with Vera here and that we've had a glimpse into her life over the past 6 years. We love this girl DEARLY and she is an Evans for sure. When I stop to ponder how perfect she is for our family...well, it makes me weepy. When I stop to ponder how much you all will adore her...well, it makes tears fall down my cheeks. You will all love her bunches. She has already brought so much joy to Jon and I and I know she will bring even more to our whole family and each of you once we get her home where she belongs. I know I've said it before, but Vera is a treasure. Our treasure. We have 3 amazing kids at home and now we're adding one more to the mix. Why are we so blessed? I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Vera doesn't cry when she's hurt. Have I told you that? She's had a few injuries during our visits...she's been bonked in the eye (and it swelled up a bit) and knocked in the head by a wooden swing. She's fallen countless times...several were 'big' falls and I was prepared for tears. Nope. She has never cried. Her eyes teared up a few of those times, but the tears never fell. She would wipe them away and move on. We have seen how the children in her group are comforted, and I use that word loosely, when they're hurt. It's minimal. Sometimes it's just words across the playground. Sometimes it's by pinching the child's cheeks...like that's what you want if you're hurt. Every now and then a crying child will be placed next to a caregiver. I have yet to see a child hugged or held. I have yet to see a child sit in someone's lap. It's weird to say, but I'm looking forward to Vera's first injury that causes her to cry and seek comfort from Jon or I.

Vera doesn't know how to seek comfort or be comforted.

She doesn't know how to be held, but she's learning.

She doesn't know how to hug or be hugged, but she's learning.

She's 6. She should have hugging down by now.

Sigh.

Children do not belong in orphanages.

I have yet to see a child in Vera's group play with a toy. Her room is FULL of great books and toys. They have been in the exact same positions on the shelves since our first day here. I don't know why, but I took a mental photo that day. Nothing has moved. No toy has been played with. No book has been read. WHY?

Jon and I were commenting a few days ago that the only times we have seen Vera's group actually play is when they're on the little fenced in playground. And they only go to the little playground when a certain caregiver is there. One of Vera's (and ours) favorite people. She was gone for a week. Vera's group was not on the playground that whole, entire week. Do you know what we've seen them do instead of play?

They sit. They walk.

The group comes outside every day if it's not raining. We've seen them sit, for over an hour (sometimes our whole 2 hour visit), with no toys. They just sit in the shade on blankets or on benches. They sit and stare at the world around them. It seems so cruel to me. They're children. They're 2, 3 and 4 year olds. They should be running and squealing and playing tag. The boys should be pretending all the sticks around them are swords. They should be playing with balls and trucks and dolls. They should be smelling all the beautiful flowers around them and eating the ripening cherries off the trees.

Sometimes, instead of sitting, they walk. One day they did 3 slow loops around the grounds. About every 30 minutes, Vera's group would pass us. Vera would be playing in the sand or eating berries off a tree and here would come her group. 12 or so kids ages 2 to 4. Walking in circles. Never veering off the cement path. Never exploring all the awesome trees and flowers on the grounds. Never going down the slide or teeter-tottering or playing in the sand. Never running. I haven't seen any of these children run.

They sit.

And they walk.

One day we picked Vera up from her room and the kids were sitting all lined up in their little wooden chairs watching a soap opera. It may have been in Russian, but a soap opera is a soap opera no matter what country you're in. When we returned Vera over 2 hours later, her group was still sitting there in the same wooden chairs watching TV.

Another day when we arrived for our visit, no one was is in the big room, but we could hear the caregivers' voices. I ventured in and got a peek into the other room, the one I thought was their bedroom. I didn't see any beds, but there were a few little couches. The kids were all sitting on the little couches. Just sitting. The children were not talking...just sitting and staring.

I got to have lunch with Vera on Friday. Well, I got to go into her room during lunch and watch Vera eat with her group.

I cried on the way home.

Children do not belong in orphanages.

They started with borscht and bread.

See the darling one next to Vera with the pony tail on top of her head? That's 'Lisa.' She's the one who wanted me to pick her up when we first met Vera. She's the one who snuggled up next to Jon and patted his arm. She's the one who wraps herself around my legs every chance she gets. She's the one who will be on our hearts and minds when we leave here. I don't know 'Lisa's' story. I don't even know if she's adoptable. But she's the one. Jon and I discussed it and neither of us believe that Lisa is ours...but she is somebody's. Could she be yours?

See the beautiful girl on the right (below)? That's 'Nice Girl.' I don't know her story either, but I do think she's had visitors. One day while we were waiting for Vera (the kids are usually in tank tops and underwear, but sometimes they put a dress on Vera for our visits), I peeked in each and every locker in Vera's group. I wanted to cry. 10 of these children only have hats and shoes. And really, those hats and shoes belong to the orphanage. 10 of these children have nothing. Nothing to call their own. The 3 that had other things in their lockers were Vera (who has had several visitors), 'Allie' who we've seen several times with who we assume is her father, and Nice Girl, who must have had a visitor because she has a purse and a few other things in her locker.
Anyway, lunch was interesting. This (below) was the only time I could get Vera to look at me. I kept trying to talk to her, but she was very intent on her lunch. I think I figured out why. It was eerily quiet. There was no talking except the caregivers telling a little one to be careful (I assume). 13 kids, ages 2 - 4, and not one of them spoke a word during lunch. The only sound was the silverware clanking against the bowls and plates. I've taught pre-school and I remember what lunch with 15 three-year-olds was like. It was not like this.
Lisa and Nice Girl paid me a lot of attention. Aren't they just precious? After the soup bowls were taken away, the children were given plates with potatoes, green onions and another piece of bread. They wasted no time in digging in. Vera was taking such huge bites I kept telling her to slow down or she would choke. The others ate the same way. Quickly and with huge bites that were barely chewed before they swallowed. Vera finished her food and a caregiver started walking towards our table. Nice Girl started shoveling food into her mouth. I didn't realize what was going on until the caregiver reached for Nice Girl's plate. She was almost done and was still shoveling bites in as fast as she could. And away went her plate. Nice Girl wasn't done. She would've finished her food. Her eyes teared up as her plate was taken away with a few bites still on it. She wasn't done. She wanted to finish her lunch. Her mouth was so full from shoveling in those last bites that she could hardly chew.
Obviously these kids aren't starving. I have not seen one child here that looks malnourished in any way. For this, I am so thankful. So many people have told us that this is one of the nicest orphanages in Ukraine. I don't doubt that at all. It was just heartbreaking to watch the caregivers shove HUGE bites of food into little 2 year old mouths who hardly got to chew and swallow before the next huge bite of food was shoved into their mouths. What is the rush?

I don't understand this place. These children do not belong here. Why are they here? Where are their parents? Why have we let the orphan crisis become a crisis? These children need families. These children need to PLAY. These children need someone to hug them every day and tell them they are LOVED. The only sense I can make of their smiles that come so easily is that God watches over and upholds the fatherless.

This past week was hard for me. I cried a lot and had a good ole pity party. Was I crying because I miss my kids at home? ABSOLUTELY! I literally ache to hug my 3 oldest children at home. I knew being away for this long would be hard, but I had no idea it was going to be like this. And really, the first 3 weeks, though long, went pretty quickly. I missed the kids, but not like I have this week. But that's not the only reason for all the tears this week. I have cried for 'Lisa' and Nice Girl and so many other children that we've seen every day. So many other children that call us Mama and Papa. So many other children who need someone to come get them. So many other children living each day without hugs and 'I love you's.' So many children...

Children do not belong in orphanages.

I will leave you with Dueteronomy 10: 12 - 21. This passage has been such a comfort to me as I have sojourned in a land that is not my own.

"And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good? Behold, to the Lord your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, the earth with all that is in it. Yet the Lord set his heart in love on your fathers and chose their offspring after them, you above all peoples, as you are this day. Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn. For the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe. He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. Love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt. You shall fear the Lord your God. You shall serve him and hold fast to him, and by his name you shall swear. He is your praise. He is your God, who has done for you these great and terrifying things that your eyes have seen."

Homecoming

2011-06-25T11:47:00.001-04:00

I am totally stealing the letter below from Tesney, but knowing her heart I don't think she'll mind. Now that the news is out that we have a homecoming date, many of you are wondering and asking about the details and if you're invited to the airport. The long and short of it is YES! We want ANYONE and EVERYONE who is willing and able to be there. This 18 month journey has been a LONG one and we would not be here if it were not for all of your love, support, help, encouragement, prayers, donations, etc. But along with that, there are a few things to be aware of. Vera will likely be overwhelmed and exhausted (as will Jon and I) and we will not be introducing her to anyone except the kids and Jon's mom while we're at the airport. What we would like is to have some time with Jacob, Caleb and Abbi first just as a family. (We would love to have one or two people in the background taking pictures and another one or two people video taping...preferably digital video so we can share clips of it here. Let me know if you'd like to volunteer.) We would like all of you, our welcome wagon, to wait patiently in the Delta baggage claim area for us. Have your cameras and hugs ready! We will arrive on Thursday, July 7th at 2:45 pm. Our flight will be coming from Amsterdam. I would love it if someone would take a picture of the screen with our flight saying "Arrived." And please take pictures of the group waiting for Vera's arrival. Coming home is a BIG deal! Atlanta will be our first point of contact in the US, so we'll have to go through customs...who knows how long that will take!

Now...on to the letter!

Dear Family and Friends,

As we get ready to embark on one of the most exciting events in our lives, we are thinking a lot about the people around us and how much our lives are going to change. Family and friends are so very important to us and we cannot wait for Vera to share in the blessing of a relationship with each one of you. We feel that God has worked through you all to give us love, support, and encouragement during our adoption process. You have prayed, cried, and shared in our excitement; truly you have been Christ to us. We appreciate you more than we can ever express in words.

We’re thrilled about bringing Vera home! We’ve done a lot of reading, research, and asked a lot of other adoptive parents about this process and we feel as prepared as we can be to help Vera become a member of our family and community. There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child. There are also quite a few areas that we have learned are different. Through our adoption agency, training, books, other adoptive parents, and more, we have learned that Vera needs a specific type of environment and parenting when she first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to live successfully in our family.

While we know that every child is different, we also understand that there are many possible things that will impact Vera’s beliefs and behavior when she gets home. These include how much nurturing Vera received, if there was abuse or neglect, the amount and quality of the food she received, illnesses, the quality of care and her unique temperament and personality. The result of these variables can include behavioral issues, emotional disorders and a sense of grief and loss from being separated from the only home and caregivers Vera has ever known. Adoption is a traumatic and scary event for a child, whether they are newborn or 10 years old. Vera is being removed from all of her routines and familiar surroundings. If you have children, you can imagine plucking them out of your family and into a totally different home in a different country. Anyone would feel grief and sadness at an event like this. So in order to help Vera feel safe and learn that we are her parents, we will be creating the type of environment that will help promote security for her during this stressful time.

When Vera gets home, at the recommendation of the experienced adoption professionals from whom we have been learning, we need to implement specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, emotionally healthy bond. Vera needs to learn that WE are her parents. She needs to feel nurtured and safe. She will not be used to having parents to love and care for her.

Here are some things we will be doing for Vera based on research and experience with other adopted children. We will be living a very quiet life with limited trips out and few visitors in for a little while. Social workers and psychologists tell us that when children are first brought into the adoptive home, they often feel overwhelmed, scared, and nervous. By keeping our lives very boring at first, we will be helping Vera feel safe. This does NOT mean we don't want visitors coming to meet Vera for the first time. We will just have to limit it a little so that it is not overwhelming. Please feel free to call us and ask to come visit! We just want you to understand that if we have to limit visitors it is not because we want you to stay away. On the contrary, we need your support and encouragement during this time!

I know a number of people are planning to meet us at the airport when we arrive home. That will be WONDERFUL and touching for us to see so many familiar and supportive faces when we arrive. We certainly don't want family and friends to stay away from us, but at the same time we can’t pass Vera around to everyone and we will have to be mindful of overloading her with new things and people. We know you will want to hug, kiss, and help spoil Vera, but it is recommended that we be the only ones to do that at first to improve her chances of attaching strongly to us. Until we feel that Vera has attached and clearly knows that we are her parents, we will need to take care of ALL of her needs. We know that it may feel disappointing to some of you because you have shared in our excitement of bringing Vera home.

As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is not a healthy thing. It is called “indiscriminate affection” and can mean that they haven’t really attached to anyone. It would not be a good sign that Vera is attached to us if during her first months home she will let just anyone take her without searching for us. For certain, it going to be a weird and wonderful experience for us. We are so excited and we can’t wait to bring Vera home so you can all see her and get to know her. Things are just a little different when you are adopting a child rather than having a biological child. She will be adapting to a lot of new things…new parents, new brothers, new sister, new home, new foods, new time zone (totally opposite of everything she is used to). That’s a lot to swallow at one time. Although we cannot predict how long it will take Vera to adjust to our home, we feel confident that by implementing some specific parenting approaches it will happen more quickly than if we did not implement those approaches.

To all the wonderful women in my life, it's important that you know Vera has had only women take care of her all of her life. It's quite possible that she doesn't think of me any differently than she does any of her past caregivers. She has no idea what a mommy is or does. I will need to be very careful in the time that Vera spends with you, especially when first meeting. She may very well be "mommy shopping" and I'll have to keep a close eye on how she relates to you, my best of friends. If Vera calls you Mama or Mommy just point in her my direction and reaffirm to her that I am her mommy. If she asks you for something - anything at all - tell her mommy will get it for her. It's very important that she acknowledge and accept that her mommy (and daddy) are the sole source of having her needs met.

We appreciate your time and understanding in reading this. We are giving you this letter because you are very important to us, and we know you will be to Vera as well. We want you to understand how dedicated and committed we are to helping Vera adjust and adapt as smoothly as possible during this stressful time in her life. We feel confident that everything will smooth out quickly and we will be on a more normal schedule! Thank you again for your continued prayers, love, and encouragement.

Much love to you all,

Jon & Amy

A New Day

2011-06-23T08:26:00.000-04:00

First of all, thank you to all of you who sent encouraging notes and scripture yesterday. Do you ever have one of those days when you're just done? That was me yesterday. I'm done. I'm done with Ukraine. I'm done with this process. I'm done with the orphanage. I'm done being away from my home kids. I'm done with the buses. I'm done with the hard bed. I'm done with the water that's either scalding hot or freezing cold...there's nothing in between here. I was on the verge of tears most of the day yesterday. I was just done.

But your notes were incredibly encouraging to me. We ended the night Skyping with the kids and Jon's mom and we laughed A LOT! I needed that. But I SO wanted to reach through the screen and hug my babies. Yes, Jacob, you may be taller than me now, but you will always be my baby. Anyway, your messages and prayers meant the world to me yesterday! Spaciba!!

And of course, His mercies are new EVERY morning! Today we had just gotten off the bus and were walking the rest of the way to Vera's orphanage. Our phone rang and it was Sasha asking if we're coming today. I told her we were almost there, and she asked if we would like to go along with her and Vera to get Vera's passport picture taken. Would we?! We hurried our steps a bit.

We arrived and Sasha went to ask permission to take Vera out. She told us that when she arrived and we were not with her, Vera started to cry. Poor baby. We didn't leave on a very good note yesterday...Vera wouldn't even look at us or say 'paka.' I wonder if she thought her cold shoulder made us change our minds. She was all smiles when we got there though. The director said that one of Vera's caregivers had to go with us since Vera is not legally ours yet. No problem. We all piled into Sasha's 'machina' (car) and off we went!

Vera was very quiet and seemed unsure at first...

but she was soon jibber-jabbering away asking Sasha for a drink of Coke.

To which we all said, "Nyet!" The last thing this girl needs is caffeine!

The photo place was pretty small, so I took Vera's picture from a distance

as she stood there and smiled.

Didn't they turn out great?!

Vera's 'do' today...I hope she's not expecting me to do this!

We arrived back at the orphanage and finished our visit. Sasha was with us for a few minutes and we were asking about foods that Vera likes and dislikes. She does NOT like any kind of hot cereal...that's my girl! And she LOVES ice cream. Definitely Jon's girl! She likes most other things. She asked me what I don't like and I told her 'fish.' Then, of all things, she asked me if I like pie. "No." Then she said maybe I don't like it because I haven't tried it. I assured her I've tried it and she suggested I try it here. :)

You just gotta love this girl!

Right before it was time to take Vera back to her group, she had leaned over me and was laying across my lap and into Jon's. I was rubbing her back and Jon was stroking her face. It was a lovely moment. I said, "Vera, you're so calm today," and she shot up and gave me a look. Next time she's calm, I'll just think it to myself. She didn't fuss at all about going back to her group. And we each got voluntary hugs and kisses 'paka.'

Sasha left to go review our court decree and make sure there were no errors. Then she was heading somewhere to get Vera's passport started. She called us this afternoon to tell us that Vera's passport will only take 1 day to get (it could've been as many as 4 days) and that we'll be able to get Vera next Wednesday and leave Nikolaiv that day!! This was EXCELLENT news and I needed to hear it! The sooner we head back to Kiev, the sooner we can accomplish all the embassy appointments and get the heck out of here! Sasha is arranging a driver for us so we don't have to take Vera on the overnight train. She agreed that would be better for Vera.

Once I know our homecoming date, I will let you all know. Sasha told us the other day that it was too soon and she will let us know when we can make our arrangements. It cannot be soon enough! Vera so obviously belongs with us and we're just ready to get her home with the rest of her family!

Not Much to Report

2011-06-21T13:49:00.000-04:00

Not much to report today, but I've gotta give you something, right? It's been pretty quiet around here. Which is a good thing when you think about it. We met Vera two weeks ago yesterday. Can you believe it?! Two weeks! We have come so far in just two weeks.

Our visits are pretty much the same thing these days. We get Vera, head outside, she unzips my backpack to find the snack we brought and says, "Please" and we enjoy a snack together. Then we play. The sandbox is still her favorite place.

But we do enjoy the slide and teeter totter a bit more.

And we decided to give the bubbles another try.

So far, so good.

We also eat a lot of blackberries and cherries right off the trees.

Vera LOVES to be messy and filthy.

As hard as we try, we never bring her back clean.

Jon and I decided to try ignoring Vera the next time she eats sand or dumps it on her hair. It seems to happen right before it's time to take her back to her group. Yesterday, sure enough, we told Vera it was time for groupa and she got a big handful of sand and put it in her mouth. Jon and I walked away to gather our things. We looked back at her and she was watching us. She dumped some sand on her head and we kept going. She yelled for us, got up and came toward us. It worked!! We got to try it again today. Lucky us.

Vera is accepting the word 'no' from us much more easily and with much less of a fight than before. The only time she has a real fit now is when it's time for us to leave. She had another total breakdown yesterday when we brought her back. Crying, sobbing, shaking her head saying, "No groupa. No groupa." It's so heartbreaking. She doesn't do this every time, but it's so hard to watch and listen to.

If she doesn't have a breakdown, she stalls. Vera is a master at stalling. She'll do whatever she can think of to delay us bringing her back to her group. She wants one more berry. She wants to dump one more cupful of sand. She's a mess and needs to wash her hands. She has trash to throw away. She falls. She sits. She goes limp when we take her hands to stand her up. Once we get her in the building, she has to talk to anyone and everyone she sees. She keeps the conversation going until they finally say, "Go with Mama and Papa. Paka." She wants Jon to lift her up. She takes a five second break in between each step up to her room. She has to investigate the strollers and carts in the hallway. You name it, she uses it to stall.

Sometimes she just blows us a kiss 'paka' and other times we get hugs and kisses. Today we got HUGE, LONG hugs goodbye with lots of neck kissing (from us) and giggling (from Vera). I told her THIS is a stall tactic I really enjoy!

Today we had lunch with the Kruliks and the Housers.

It was wonderful!!

The Housers are hoping to have court this week, so keep them in your prayers.

And Kevin leaves tomorrow to head home, leaving Missy here on her own.

I'm sure she would appreciate your prayers as well.

As far as we're concerned, we really want to come home.

The 10 day wait is about to drive me insane.

We miss Jacob, Caleb and Abbi terribly.

Skype is great, but it's just not doing it for me anymore.

I miss my friends. I miss our church. I miss my bed and pillow. I miss fresh, clean towels straight from the dryer. I miss my faucets with normal temperature controls. I miss my van. I miss guacamole. I miss real coffee.

8 more days, friends.

Vera is ours a week from tomorrow.

Please pray that the time flies and also

that we won't take our time here for granted.

Pray that our bond with Vera continues to grow.

Outdoor Fun

2011-06-20T05:11:00.000-04:00

Our afternoon visit with Vera on Saturday was pretty quiet. (Our morning visit was quiet too...we didn't even take any pictures.) We played in the sand for awhile and Vera enjoyed making little sand mounds with the cup we brought.

This kept her busy for awhile.

Saturday was also the first time she would get on anything that required her feet to be off the ground. I think this might have been a trust issue. The first time Jon picked her up, Vera's body was stiff as a board. I wish I had taken a picture of it to compare the difference now. Now when Jon picks her up, she is mostly relaxed. But it's very obvious that she hadn't been picked up or held in a long time. It did not come naturally to her.

Jon and Vera enjoyed the teeter totter for several minutes...

And then we moved on to the swings. We've been trying to get her to swing since the beginning. She was always happy to push us on the swings but would not get on one herself. I was thinking she just feels more secure with both feet on the ground, but now I'm wondering if she just didn't trust what we would do.

These swings are the most awkward, uncomfortable things ever,

but it was so fun to see Vera enjoying herself on one.

There was a shy, quiet boy swinging next to Vera

with one of the ladies from the ministry group.

I hadn't slept well the previous 3 nights and after our visit Saturday I was completely wiped out. I just wanted a good meal and a bed (my bed). We took the bus and headed to a restaurant that the Housers had told us about. English menus are hard to come by here. And if there are no pictures, forget it! We sat down and got our drinks and then the Housers came walking down the street. We ate dinner with them and enjoyed getting to know them better. They live in Alabama, so not too far from us. I am so thankful to God for bringing the Kruliks and Housers here at the same time as us. It's very cool and such a God thing that we have all hit it off so easily and effortlessly. It's so wonderful to share this experience and get to fellowship together. Kim and I were both pretty exhausted, otherwise I'm sure one of us would have thought to take a picture. Oh well. Next time, I guess.

And in case you're wondering, I slept GREAT Saturday night. We decided to skip our morning visit yesterday and I got to sleep in. I needed that!

A Hard Goodbye

2011-06-19T04:20:00.000-04:00

Our visit Friday morning began with a banana. She practically inhaled it.

Then she took a bite of the banana peel. The little stinker.

What IS it with her and putting things in her mouth?

I honestly think she was relieved when we took the peel away from her.

She put up a minimal fight, but didn't argue about it.

The Housers were on the same playground with us and when they left,

they had left this punching balloon.

So what were we to do?

And then Vera dug out my chapstick and mirror...

and this kept her busy for quite some time.

She would put chapstick on herself, then me, then Jon.

Notice that whoever she was putting chapstick on had to hold the mirror.

Vera would position it just so in our hands.

Then she had to brush my hair.

We really need to work on the word 'gentle.'

I'm very thankful I still have some hair left after that. :)

And then it was back to the phone.

Our visit was soon over and we told Vera it was time for groupa. She knows what this means by now. While Jon was gathering our things, I followed Vera who had taken off towards the door. We knew that her group was still outside and I was leading her to where they were. On our way there, she started to cry and whine. "No groupa. No groupa." I told her I didn't want to take her back but I had to. We rounded the corner and saw that her group was walking towards us. Poor little Vera completely lost it and dropped to the ground. She was screaming, "No groupa! No groupa!" and shaking her head. I would try to pick her up and she would flail around. She's very strong. Then she started sobbing. We hadn't seen her sob until then. Oh, break my heart. I was fighting back tears. If I could have, I would have snatched her up and run out of there. One of the caregivers (one who is not our favorite...she never smiles and she doesn't seem to enjoy the children) made her way to us and was obviously out of patience. To give her a little credit, it was very hot outside and she was walking with 6 little ones. When she let go of their hands to deal with Vera, they scattered. 2 of them wrapped themselves around my legs while another 2 kept trying to take my camera. While I was trying to comfort Vera who was crumpled up on the ground sobbing. The caregiver grabbed Vera by the chin (not very gently) and got right in her face. If I knew how to say it eloquently in Russian I would've said, "Hey! Hands off my girl!" But I was helpless. Vera was still crying and yelling "No groupa! No groupa!" Finally, Alla, one of the nice caregivers (she had a big stroller with 5 children in it) came over. She put her arm around Vera and very gently talked to her. It took a few minutes but Vera calmed down. Alla told her to say goodbye to Mama. Apparently she thought it best to say goodbye there instead of have us bring Vera up to the room. Jon missed this whole thing. It had taken him a few minutes to gather our things and he hadn't seen where we had gone. He thought we had gone to Vera's room. He found us just as we were saying goodbye.

Sasha told us that the goodbyes would get harder from here on out. I wonder if part of Vera's problem on Friday was that she knew she wouldn't see us that afternoon because we had court. She didn't meltdown like that yesterday for either of our goodbyes. I guess some things will remain a mystery.

Christmas in June

2011-06-18T08:35:00.000-04:00

Do you ever wake up in the morning and just KNOW it's going to be a wonderful day full of joy and blessings? You feel the anticipation like it's Christmas and you wonder what the 'big' gift is going to be? Well, that's how I felt when I woke up on Thursday. We had been praying that our Interpol clearance would arrive so that we could have court on Friday. Court had already been postponed once. We were SO hoping it would not be delayed again. We want to come home. Jon's mom will need to head home to care for our nephews and we are PRAYING that we'll be home before she needs to leave. If court was postponed again, that hope would pretty much disappear.

I was getting ready for our morning visit with Vera when our phone rang. It was Missy wanting to arrange a lunch get together. Oh my...I can't even tell you how much that thrilled me! Really. It honestly seems like we've known them for years and we are so blessed to be here with them. I love how adoption seems to instantly bond people for life. I was SO thankful for this gift of getting to have lunch, not only with other Americans, but with a WOMAN! We left the apartment and I was on cloud nine. I knew our visit with Vera was going to be great and it mostly was.

When we arrived at the baby home on Thursday, Vera's group was already outside. Have I told you that she doesn't cry when we arrive anymore? She hasn't done that in over a week. No matter where her group is or what they're doing. She smiles and happily leaves her group and leads us elsewhere. Another gift from God.

Vera led us over to where these little concrete boat things are and we sat down and had our snack. I don't think she's ever been allowed to climb on these. While we were here, the Housers came walking over. They were at the baby home meeting their little one for the very first time. I knew they were there because we had seen the inspector and the director together go into an office. I told Jon, "That's gotta be the Housers in there!" Oh, more excitement. An American family HERE at Vera's orphanage! We just waved a hello, but I'm sure we'll be talking more with them in the very near future.

Vera loves to pick any kind of fruit and eat it, whether it's ripe or not. I think we've stopped her from eating these small, green peach looking things, but she still loves to pick them and smell them. She smells EVERYTHING! We wonder if it's because she can't see well. But everything in her hands goes right to her nose...food, leaves, wipes, books, paper, toys. Everything.
There are lots and lots of cherry trees here. Most of the cherries are red, but they are sour, sour, sour. Still Vera loves to eat them. She even knows to spit the seed out.
When it was finally time to head upstairs, Vera came mostly willingly. We got to her door and it was locked. No problem. No panic. No tears. We just hung out there until her group came. We knew they'd be coming in for lunch any minute. So Vera got the brush and did my hair.
We left the orphanage and had a delightful lunch with the Kruliks. Have I told you how much I enjoy spending time with them? When we spoke after our morning visit to confirm where to meet for lunch, Missy told me that their clearance had come. She asked if I had spoken with Sasha yet and I hadn't. Missy said no more and I was thinking, "Oh, she already knows that our clearance didn't come and she doesn't want to tell me." But when we got to the restaurant, she told me that our clearance DID arrive. Praise the Lord!

Sasha was with us for most of our afternoon visit on Thursday. We left Vera to her own devices (picking and eating who knows how many sour cherries) while Sasha prepped us for court. Then Vera came over and asked Sasha a question...I can't remember what it was but it had to do with home. We got out the photo album and went through every picture. Vera had many, many questions that she hasn't been able to ask Jon and I. Well, she can ask but we don't understand. So, Vera's questions included...

Will we let her play outside? Will we let her bathe herself and wash her own hair? We got to the pictures of the school room and Vera asked what's outside the door. So we flipped to the picture of the boys bathroom and it was right next to the picture of Abbi's bathroom. (Soon to be Abbi AND Vera's bathroom.) She saw the cabinet above the toilet and wanted to know what's inside. I told her hairbrushes and hair things (like rubberbands). She asked if the hair things are for her. And she was very happy when I replied positively. With a great big smile the Princess asked if there are also bracelets and necklaces in there for her. :) Vera had many questions about her bedroom. Toby (the dog) is in a few of the pictures of her room and she wanted to make sure that the dog has his own room and she's not sharing her room with him. So funny! She saw the dollhouse in her room and asked if there are dolls to go with it. She asked how to open the doors on the dollhouse. She also asked if there are hair accessories in the dollhouse for her. :) She was very excited about the books in her room. She's an Evans alright! She asked what's in her dresser. She asked what's in her closet. I answered all of these questions and then Vera asked about gloves. Do we have winter gloves for her? We told her 'no' but when winter comes, we'll get some for her. Her response..."How can I play in the snow without gloves?" You just gotta love this girl. Then she was concerned about a winter coat. Again, we assured her that when winter arrives, she will have everything she needs. Then she was concerned about Jacob, Caleb and Abbi not having winter coats. But she kept going back to the gloves. Why don't we have gloves for her? (Sasha told us that Vera was being harder on us than the judge would be.) Vera wanted to know what shoes she'll wear when she leaves the orphanage. She wanted to know if Jacob, Caleb and Abbi will try to take her things. She's worried that the kids won't love her. We told her they love her SO MUCH already and are so excited to meet her. Then she asked what they will buy for her. We got to the bedroom pictures and Vera pointed to Abbi's room and said, "I want to sleep in there!" Sasha explained our bedroom and Vera said, "You mean they want to sleep TOGETHER?!" Vera is always very concerned about Caleb's glasses in the photos. She asked if Jacob has lost all of his teeth. She was looking at his picture and pointed to his watch (what is it with her and watches?). She kissed Jacob's picture and said she loves him already and when she meets him she will kiss him on both cheeks. She also asked HOW Jacob, Caleb and Abbi are her brothers and sister. A very good question. How do you explain it to a 6 year old?

We also learned that Vera wants to be a teacher and work with children. She would not have the opportunity to fulfill this dream if she stayed here. If Jon and I were not here, Vera would most likely be in an adult mental institution already, where she would literally do nothing all day, every day. She has no future here. I worry about taking her to Kiev. I've read stories of families who were there recently finishing up their paperwork at the embassy and the responses they get from locals about adopting disabled kids. "Why don't you take two healthy children and leave this one here to die?" That's pretty much the attitude here. I worry that people will be impatient with Vera's slow walking and I hope that she'll compliantly sit in the stroller.

Anyway, Vera was finally out of questions. And with that, she closed the album and declared, "Okay. I'm ready to go on the plane now. I'm ready to go home." And that was our big gift of the day! A HUGE answer to prayer! I'm sure it will still be beyond difficult for her to leave the only home she's ever known. But we are very thankful for all the time we've been able to spend with her and that she is beginning to trust us. Please continue to pray that God would be preparing her to leave the orphanage and come with us. Pray that her heart and mind are at peace. Pray that Vera continues to look forward to coming home with us. Sasha was SO encouraged to hear Vera asking these questions and accepting the answers with smiles and nods.

Then it was time to take Vera to her group. Jon was swinging her up and around in the hallway and Vera called to me to watch. It was the third time that she has sought me out to see what she's doing. My heart melts a little every time I hear her call me Mama. It's hard to believe it's been less than two weeks since we met her. It's so obvious that she belongs with us. I miss her when she's not with us. I think I hear her voice when we go places. It's probably hard for some of you to understand this, but I love Vera as much as if I gave birth to her. There's no doubt that she's my daughter. We are so thankful for Vera and that OUR family gets to keep her!

Picture the Audience in Their Underwear

2011-06-17T10:36:00.000-04:00

We've all heard it before, right? If you're nervous about speaking in front of others, just picture the audience in their underwear. Well, today we didn't need our imaginations.

Sasha picked us up at 2:30 for our 3:00 court time. I was a bit nervous on our way there. Okay, I was a lot nervous. I would've happily rolled down the window and lost my lunch. I just kept praying, "You are my peace. You are my portion." And I was reminded that God is the one Who brought us here. So why did I need to worry? He has orchestrated it all. Every detail. Some of you reading this know about the family who came for Vera earlier this year, met her and left her. Some of you were angry about it. Some of you didn't understand how someone could do that.

I'm here to tell you that I know why that happened. It's because Vera is OURS. Do you remember the story of how we found Vera and the picture I had had in my head for a few years? Well, THIS is the picture.

I've seen Vera's former Reece's Rainbow photo and it wasn't the one from my head. I would not have known that she is ours from the old photo. That other family HAD to go meet Vera to take THIS photo. It's pretty incredible when you think about it. So, don't be mad at them. What they did is sad and disturbing, but it WAS part of God's plan. He used them to help us find Vera.

So anyway, we got to the courthouse and chit-chatted with Sasha while we waited for everyone else to arrive. She told us that the court officials usually end their Friday at 4:00. That's why it was so quiet...most people were gone already. The judge, we learned, does not usually hold hearings at all on Friday afternoons, but Sasha persuaded him to do it for us. Great. So he's probably already upset that he has to be here on a Friday afternoon to hear our case. It's either going to be really short, or he'll drag it out just because he can. While we were waiting, the director of the baby home arrived as well as the social worker and prosecutor. Then our translator arrived. Sasha couldn't translate for us during the hearing since the director of Vera's orphanage is her mom. It's a conflict of interest. Our translator, Natasha, came in and I was instantly at ease. Not because of her demeanor, although she was very nice. But her skirt...was completely see through! Oh my! I was sitting and she was standing next to me and all I could see was her rear end. No slip or anything. I thought to myself, "Well if she can go before the judge looking like that, what am I so worried about?" It was so oddly funny to me. Jon didn't even notice. From that point on, I wasn't nervous anymore. Thank You, Lord!

Finally everyone was there and we went in to the court room. To our right there was a cage like thing, probably where prisoners go when they're on trial. There were also two seats for the jury, a seat for the prosecutor and a big table with 3 big, wooden chairs behind it. The judge sat in the middle one. He finally arrived and we all stood. I instantly wanted to giggle, but thankfully God quieted me. Picture a Danny Devito type. He was short and pudgy, and he was dressed in ALL white...button down shirt, pants, even white patent leather shoes. The top few buttons of his shirt were open revealing a very hairy chest. He came in, went to his seat and threw his keys on the table. Yep. He didn't want to be there. The formalities were all given and eventually Jon got to give his prepared speech to the judge. I wanted to laugh again when I saw the judge periodically looking at his watch. He wanted to be there even less than we did. So Jon made his statement, the director gave a statement, the social worker gave a statement. Then the judge started looking through our dossier (for the first time). He did ask a few things. He asked about Jon's annual salary, which Jon told him. Then he asked Jon's monthly salary. Uhhhhh....anyone have a calculator? Jon did a quick figure and we moved on. Towards the end, the judge asked about our current children and what they think about us adopting Vera. Jon told him they are SO EXCITED and that we've been able to show them pictures and videos of our visits with Vera.

I was so teary through this whole thing. It was so surreal to finally be there...in the courtroom...to beg for Vera. Some of her history was repeated for the judge and it is just so sad. No one in Ukraine has ever inquired about her. It was even mentioned that several foreign families have come to meet her and turned her down. We are literally Vera's last hope.

Then the judge left to make his decision, which Sasha had told us 'which just means he's going out to smoke.' She told us yesterday that the decision has already been made. It sounded like the court hearing was more of a formality than anything.

While we waited for 'Judge Devito' to come back, the others in the room enjoyed looking through our photo album and Sasha told them about all of Vera's questions yesterday (I still need to blog about that...it was awesome!). The judge and jury had looked at the photos as well during Jon's speech.

So, after a few minutes the judge came back, we all stood up and he said that he would grant our petition to adopt Vera. Oh, I wanted to cry so badly! Glory to God!! The judge left and the others all shook our hands and congratulated us. There were lots of smiles and laughter and jokes about Mama and Papa.

So, now we have a 10 day waiting period that starts tomorrow. During the wait, anyone in Ukraine can contest the adoption, including family members, orphanage workers, anyone. If no one contests the judge's decision during that time, then on the 11th day we get to bust her out. But wouldn't you know it, the 11th day for us is a holiday here which means we won't be able to get the necessary paperwork. So, Lord willing and as long as there are no surprises, on Wednesday, June 29 Vera will be legally ours and we will go get her. We don't anticipate that anyone will contest the adoption. No one's been interested in Vera for the past 6 years. What's going to change over the next 12 days? We'd still appreciate your prayers, though, that there are no surprises.

After court

Us with Sasha

Understanding

2011-06-17T06:26:00.001-04:00

Alright, I know I'm behind. I haven't posted about Wednesday yet. Yesterday was so fun and exciting and now I've found that I've already forgotten so much about Wednesday. Isn't that sad? A lot of people who come here to adopt describe living like that movie Groundhog Day, where every day is the same, old thing. We haven't had that experience at all. Well, our schedule is pretty much the same day to day, but every single one of our visits with Vera has been different. No two days have been the same. We never know what to expect. And sometimes we come home for lunch, sometimes we go out, sometimes we stop at the market on our way, sometimes we walk, sometimes we take the bus, sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's pouring down rain. We haven't been bored at all.

So, our afternoon visit on Wednesday started with a minor fit within the first 30 seconds of our arrival. But I think I know the reason. Another little girl had two visitors at the same time. A young woman and an older woman. Vera and other girl came out at the same time and the other girl was instantly given candy. So Vera saw this and went directly to my backpack to find out what snack we had brought for her. We kept her from opening it and Jon kept telling her, 'later.' We haven't had this problem before. Usually she leads us somewhere where we can all sit and then we enjoy the snack together. This day she wanted it right away and started to have a fit when we told her she could have it later. One of her caregivers came out and we could tell she was saying, "If you're going to have a fit, then say bye bye to mama and papa." Vera shook her head and pulled herself together. We left her room and went to the hallway. It had quit raining by then, but there were huge mud puddles everywhere. I KNOW it would've been very difficult to keep Vera out of those puddles. They are just so enticing, especially when you've probably never been able to jump in one before.

So, off to the hallway we went. Vera went to the very first bench, sat us down and without missing a beat said, "Puh-lease." We enjoyed our snack and then Vera started looking through one of her purses. We had been meaning to clean out one of them since the sand incident, but always forgot. Well, Wednesday she dumped her purse and out came about a half cup of sand...all over the nice clean floor. So off Jon went to find a broom and dustpan. Meanwhile, Vera was cleaning it up with her hands. Jon returned with the broom and Vera wanted to help sweep. We got the sand all cleaned up and Vera had some trash she wanted to throw away...in the bathroom of course, where the faucet is. Have I told you how much she loves to play in water? Well, we're on to her little games now. We knew what her ultimate goal was and we were determined to be strong. We were NOT playing in the water! We got to the restroom and I stood so I was blocking the sink while Vera threw away her trash. Then of course, she thought she needed to wash her hands. We said 'no' and stood our ground. Vera, of course, did not like this turn of events and that she wasn't in control. She started to meltdown in the hallway and there just happened to be a nanny down the hall who heard her carrying on. She obviously told Vera to hush up and go with mama and papa. Vera realized she was not going to win this battle and reluctantly came back to the hallway with us. So the score now is Vera - 202, Jon and Amy - 1.

This little jungle scene is in the corner of the hallway.

Vera wanted so badly to try to climb that ladder.

Jon helped her up so she could at least hang from the bar.

Vera's group came down the hall at one point and

it was like they hadn't seen her in years.

Vera, Nice Girl and 'Allie' squealed and did the cutest little group hug.

Jon took their photo and no one gave him the evil eye, so I guess it's okay.

This photo (below) was right before the group hug began.

Nice Girl is wearing Vera's sunglasses.

Aren't they precious?!

We spent a bit of time at this window (below).

Vera loved being able to open and close it.

She had found some paper and pencils in a stroller and decided they were hers.

Here she is drawing.

See how close she is to the paper?

Yeah. Glasses are in her near future.

Our wonderful facilitator, Sasha, was there for a few minutes during our visit.

We got her to get Vera to take off her shoe so

we could trace her foot to find her shoes that fit.

The ones she wears and the ones we brought are clearly too small.

So that led to Vera taking off our socks and shoes and tracing our feet.

She traced each of our feet several times.

We now have a notepad filled with tracings of our feet.

And then Vera thought it would be funny to tie Papa's shoes together.

And what a fun game began.

Vera would tie Jon's shoes together, wave and say 'paka.'

Jon would turn around and start to walk away and then pretend to fall down.

Vera thought this was incredibly funny.

She laughed and laughed and laughed.

Sasha and Vera had a little conversation and I kept interrupting to ask Sasha what Vera had said. There are a few things that Vera says a lot and we haven't known what she's saying. Vera says, 'How' a lot. Whenever we encounter someone unusual on the grounds (like the man with the puppy), Vera will start a long conversation with them. There are two things she repeats and repeats and repeats. How and Why. We knew the word for 'how', but had no idea what 'why' is. Well, now we know that when her little fits begin because we're taking something away or removing her from a situation, she's crying and saying, "Why? Why? Why?" Not that we can explain things to her, but at least we understand that she doesn't understand what the problem is. We also noticed how much calmer Vera was after talking with someone who understood her. I think things will be much easier once Vera learns English and we can communicate better.

While Sasha was talking to her, Vera was very distracted by all of Sasha's accessories...her watch, her bracelet, her rings, the tassle on her purse. Sasha finally put both her arms behind and her back and said, "Vera! Listen!" Vera asked to see Sasha's watch (she's really got this thing for watches) and Sasha took it off and let Vera hold it. Jon told Vera that we would get her a watch. Sasha translated for Vera and without hesitation Vera asked, "When?" We laughed and told her as soon as we get her out of here.

So now we need to find shoes and a watch.

And that was Wednesday.

Finding Her Voice

2011-06-15T08:03:00.001-04:00

Monday afternoon was rainy again, so to the hallway we went.

Vera rocked on this little rocking horse for a few minutes...

and then we went down and played in the house for awhile.

The snack we brought Vera got her a little messy,

so she took us to the bathroom

where she washed herself very thoroughly,

and then decided we were messy too.

She soaped up both of our arms and hands,

and even tried to clean our faces.

Then she rinsed us really well.

And she loves playing in the water!

Yesterday it was sunny again, so we got to be outside.

Vera got to pet the resident cat, which she obviously never gets to do.

She was very excited about the 'koshka', and I was very

surprised that koshka never hissed or tried to bite Vera.

She does not know what the word 'gentle' means.

But she'll learn. I believe Phoebe (our cat) will teach her.

Then it was on to bubbles.

Although Vera likes the bubbles a lot, we've decided not to bring them anymore.

Yesterday they caused problems when her group came out.

I think Vera was showing off what she could do and her friends couldn't.

She got a bit silly and was on the verge of craziness,

so we removed her from the situation.

She would also put the wand in her mouth and eat the bubble solution.

I don't think she enjoyed the flavor.

I do think she enjoyed getting a reaction from us.

We always get sticky with the bubbles and need to find a faucet to clean up.

This is also something Vera obviously never gets to do,

and she never wants to leave the faucet once we're there.

Yesterday I had a sneaking suspicion that Vera was falling on purpose

(in the dirtiest places she could find)

because she knew we'd take her to the faucet to rinse her off.

She really enjoys getting dirty.

I don't think she has the opportunity very often.

We always return her to her group completely filthy.

They probably hate us. :)

We also got to eat more blackberries yesterday.

Jon and Vera both LOVE eating the blackberries that are perfectly ripe right now.

Vera loved dropping them into Jon's mouth and hearing him go, "mmmmmm."

And then they were all purple and had to clean up...again.

One other incident that happened yesterday afternoon...

towards the end of our visit, we had gone to the playground and

Jon and Vera were picking and eating more blackberries.

There was a group on the playground and a few boys came over.

They started saying, "Papa, pazhalsta," to Jon and holding out their hands.

Precious.

So we were picking berries and putting them in their hands.

At one point, Vera and the boys were talking and

we heard one of them say the Russian word for 'love.'

We think they were saying how much they loved the berries.

Jon took the opportunity to tell Vera he loves her.

She did not react at all...just wanted to pick more berries.

The boys' group left right after this.

And Vera went over to the sandbox, grabbed a handful of sand,

and put it in her mouth.

Disgusting.

I don't think she's ever had a mouthful of sand.

And I don't think she enjoyed it (who would?).

It didn't take much prodding to get her to spit it out.

But isn't it interesting that it was just moments after

Jon told her he loves her?

Then it was time to take her back to her group.

She did NOT want to go.

We managed to get her to the door to enter her building without a lot of resistance,

but she wanted to wash her hands in the faucet nearby.

We told her 'no' and said that it was time for groupa.

She started shaking her head and saying 'nyet'.

She had that look on her face that says, "I'm about to scream my head off!"

Then two of her caregivers came over and were unloading

little ones from strollers to take them in.

We were glad they were there to tell Vera what we were trying to tell her.

We hadn't seen Vera argue with her caregivers. Until then.

She clearly wanted to play in the water and did not want to go upstairs.

The caregivers were clearly telling her she could NOT play in the water

and that she needed to come inside with Mama and Papa.

We made it to her room...very slowly, with much resistance and 10 minutes late.

We decided that from now on we'll start making the trek

back to her room 15 minutes before it's time.

It's beginning to take at least that long to get her to cooperate about it.

I think that Vera is discovering her voice,

and that when she's with us she has a little freedom.

She gets to do things with us that she's probably always wanted to do.

I can't blame her for not wanting to go back to her group.

Where every minute of every day is planned for her.

She's told when to eat, what to eat, when to go outside, what to play with when,

when to watch TV, when to sleep, when to potty, etc.

She has no choices.

She's probably never been asked,

Vera, what would YOU like to do today?

What would YOU like to eat?

What would YOU like to wear?

What would YOU like to play with?

What book would YOU like to read?

We can't wait to get her outta there and help her find her voice.

And let her experience a little freedom. And give her some choices.

But what about the others?

Who will give a voice to all the others?

On Our Way to Vera's Place

2011-06-14T08:02:00.002-04:00

I thought it would be fun to take you on a tour of our trip to Vera's baby home each day. I am trying to journal everything here as much for you as I am for me. For us. I want to remember every detail to share with Vera someday. I want to share everything with Jacob, Caleb and Abbi since they can't be here with us. I'm trying to remember all the things I can't share and my brain is overloaded. Which is probably why I had such a pounding headache for several days last week.

Anyway...we leave the comfort of our beautiful apartment and step out. To get the full effect, imagine a very strong odor of cat urine as soon as you open the door. I know it's gross, but you really want to be here with us, right? So there you go.

We go down a few flights of stairs...

And end up here.

We walk down this path...

And veer off to the right...

And head down this sidewalk.

We end up at our little bus stop here.

Where we wait for one of these.

We watch down this road for #44. There are 4 buses that would take us to Vera's.

But we always wait for number 44 because it's the cheapest and easiest to pay.

It costs about 40 cents (US) for both Jon and I to ride the bus.

This (below) is the open market across the street from our bus stop.

We went here a few days ago to find a lighter to light our gas oven.

We went back to the same place where we bought bubbles and batteries.

They have a wide assortment of things there.

The couple there seems amused by us instead of annoyed.

They smile and laugh at us and are very helpful.

We like them a lot. I hope to take their picture soon.

Anyway, the third stop is where we get off.

Then we walk down this road...

We make a left turn and go this way.

Then we veer off to the right...

And walk by this playground.

We imagine Jacob, Caleb and Abbi playing on it.

Then we turn down this way...

And enter this gate.

We make a left turn onto this path...

The path to Vera.

And so many others.

We admire all of the gorgeous flowers on the grounds.

It really is a beautiful place...

In the summer time anyway.

This is the playground where Vera's group plays each morning and afternoon.

Can you see the little picnic table on the right?

That's where Vera was when we met her for the first time.

Vera's building.

We enter this door and go down a long hallway to the right.

Up these stairs...

And we end up here...

at Vera's door.

This is the little entry way where we sometimes play.

Vera's locker is the middle one.

And around that corner to the left...

Is Vera's group room.

The little tables are where they eat.

Today each table had a vase with fresh flowers in them.

The door you see on the left leads to the bathroom.

You can also see an open door on the right wall.

I think that's the bedroom, but I haven't seen inside it yet.

And there you have it!

Every day when we get back to the apartment, I always say,

'Home, sweet home.'

And Jon always says, "Yep."

Survival

2011-06-13T13:23:00.001-04:00

I really hadn't planned on sharing what I'm about to, but after pondering it for awhile, I really think I should. Not only for those coming behind us to adopt, but also for our friends and family at home. Vera is sweet and precious and a true treasure and we love her unbelievably already. It's only been a week, but it seems as though she's been a part of our lives forever. But the truth is, she's been an orphan since birth. For six years. She lived in a hospital for her first 3 months while she gained weight and then she went to her baby home where she's lived ever since. She's never had a mommy and a daddy. She's only had many, many caregivers. They come and go. She's never had one constant caregiver. Hearing all the babies cry each day has had me wondering how much Vera was held as a baby. The caregivers here are really great, but we will hear the same baby cry and cry and cry...for long periods of time. Why doesn't someone come? I am wondering...how much cuddling did Vera receive? How much was she held? Has she ever heard the words, "I love you and will never leave you?" Probably not. Her caregivers are not parents. Vera has been kept on a very tight leash all her life. She's never had freedom or choices.

Until now.

Our afternoon visit with Vera on Saturday ended terribly. Everything went well until the last 20 minutes. Then it was like someone flipped a switch inside of Vera. We saw a side of her that we hadn't seen yet. It was hard and awful and not something I was going to relive here. But I think you should all know about it. Because chances are you're going to witness something similar at one point or another.

It all started when Jon found a cool rock and showed it to Vera. She took it...and immediately put it in her mouth. Jon said, "No, Vera, no," and was trying to get her to spit it out. Which made Vera laugh, which made me panic. I was so afraid she was going to suck that rock back into her throat and choke. She started chewing on it. Jon could her her teeth grinding on it. No matter what we did, Vera laughed and kept her mouth tightly shut. Finally, one of the women from the ministry group came over and was able to tell Vera to spit it out. She did.

We were at the sandbox at this time and there were several other children there. One of them threw some sand at the other kids and was promptly reprimanded. Vera decided to try her hand at throwing sand and we stopped her hands and said 'Vera, nyet.' She laughed, broke free, and did it again. Repeat. Finally she just put her hands in the sand and we thought she was done. Until she threw sand again...right at me. I stood up and was getting the sand out of my shirt while Jon was handling Vera. We finally thought it had passed and Vera went back to the sandbox. She bent over, put her whole head into the sand and started burrying her head. We pulled her out and she was just covered in sand. We were trying to clean her up and she totally lost it. Screaming. Crying. Saying things we couldn't understand. We had to physically restrain her because she kept trying to get back to the sandbox. We tried to pull her away and she fought us tooth and nail. We would let her go and she would fall down. And go right back to what we were telling her 'no' about. Repeat.

I guess she finally realized we were serious that she was done in the sandbox and she started walking away. She was calm and I thought the tantrum was over. She walked over to a stump and bent down. I saw her hand reaching for something and my heart about stopped when I saw her newest 'treasure.' It was a hypodermic needle! I immediately reached down and stopped her from picking it up. She screamed and fought me, but she was not going to pick that thing up. I kept telling her 'no' and she screamed louder. Jon heard what was happening and came over to see what the problem was. I showed him the needle and he picked it up. The actual needle part wasn't attached, but the whole thing scared me to death. Jon took the needle, walked away and threw it over a fence (where it's an obvious trash area). If he had not gotten rid of it immediately, Vera would have fought and cried for it. Well, Vera, the smart little thing, had seen what Jon had done. She walked quickly to where he had thrown it and just stood there looking all over to find a way through the fence. She wanted that thing badly.

By this time our visit was almost over. We told Vera it was time to go her to group. She shook her head and said 'nyet' but we led her over to get her things. The bag of candy that the ministry team brought was right there and Vera grabbed a handful. We told her 'no' (she had already had 3 pieces...and it wasn't for her) and she flipped out again. One of the ministry people came over and told Vera she could take some. We were frustrated that we had been undermined, but it was not intentional. We said no, the lady said yes. So Jon used motions and told Vera that she could carry it upstairs but then he would take the candy and bring it back tomorrow. We've had this conversation before and thought Vera understood. Some of you may be wondering if she was taking the candy to give to her group. No...she only had 5 pieces. It was all for her. When we had first headed outside, the door we normally go in and out of was locked and there was a sign on it. We motioned to Vera that we had to use another door. She understood and all was well. On our way back in, though, yikes! Jon and I tried to lead her to the door we had come out of, but she wasn't having it. She went to the normal door and we let her so she could see it was locked. Well, she panicked. Cried. Screamed. She wouldn't go to the other door with us. Finally, a caregiver heard Vera carrying on and came out. She wiped Vera's face and told her we had to use the other door. Vera pulled herself together and happily came with us. We made it up to her room 15 minutes late. Vera was completely filthy from the sand and falling in the dirt repeatedly as she tried to break free from us. Jon opened her purse to show her that he was taking her candy. She went bonkers again and screamed and cried. A caregiver came out and assessed the situation. Jon told her he'd bring it back tomorrow. The caregiver motioned for Jon to give Vera one more piece. He did. Vera promptly ate it. Then the caregiver motioned for Jon to leave one in Vera's locker. He did. And all was well. Vera gave us hugs and kisses and said, 'paka.' We were unintentionally undermined again. I think the score is currently Vera-112, Jon and Amy-0.

There was another ugly incident that I could share that involved Ryland and us being unintentionally undermined again, but I think you get the picture. Aren't you exhausted after reading all this? As we were leaving I wanted to sit down and cry. I wasn't thinking, 'I can't do this' or 'what have we done?'. I was thinking, 'where in the world did all of THAT come from?! Who WAS that little girl? That was NOT Vera!'

We were going to try to get together with Missy and Kevin for dinner that night, but it ended up not working out. I was really needing some woman time after that visit. Jon is great and we've had good conversations, but it's different woman to woman. You know what I mean? I knew Missy had also had an interesting goodbye with her son that day and I needed to laugh about it with someone who understood. Well, dinner didn't work out, so I got out my two favorite adoption books. The Connected Child and Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child. I read many adoption books during the process to adopt Leanna. These two are hands down my favorite and, in my opinion, the most helpful. It's one thing to read books when you're in the process. It's another thing to witness the behavior and then read the books. Wow. I needed these reminders. In reading the first two chapters of Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child, here's what I think was going on with Vera. If you have any other ideas, please share. We really want insight from those of you who have been there, done that, which is another reason I chose to actually share this.

Remember the email I got from Oksana that said that Vera told us in Russian that she loves us? We didn't know what she had said.

We did not respond.

We did not tell her we love her too.

Can you imagine how vulnerable she must have felt? I don't know if Vera even understands what it means to love and be loved, but saying those words is significant no matter what. And we didn't reciprocate. It was moments after this that Vera fell apart.

She's testing us. She's figuring out if the rules with Mama and Papa are the same as the rules with the caregivers. I also think she went into survival mode. She was stressed, shut down quickly and started behaving badly. That way we had to deal with her behavior and not her inner needs. She masked her hurting heart. It could also be that she was upset, but knew we wouldn't understand her if she tried to tell us. Or maybe she couldn't even articulate her feelings. So having no other way to communicate that something was wrong, she went berserk. Because Vera was abandoned and has had so many different care givers over the years, her brain likely operates much differently than other kids her age. She doesn't have the ability to remain calm during what we would call a minimally stressful situation. The chemicals and hormones in her brain are very likely out of whack because of her history. Vera is 6 chronologically, but she is not 6 emotionally or behaviorally. She lacks the self control of a 6 year old.

All of this to say, we cannot parent Vera the same way we did Jacob, Caleb and Abbi. Vera's misbehavior comes from a completely different place. Her goal is not to be defiant, though it can look that way. Her goal is to have her needs met. Her heart needs. When (notice I say 'when') you see a Vera explosion, you will not see us spank her or put her in time out. You will not see us do what comes naturally to us as parents. Instead you will see us do things that create connection and attachment. She will have to learn and re-learn many things that most 6 year olds already know. It may seem like we let her get away with things. We just have to remember that Vera has 6 years of bad baggage to unpack and unload. It will take lots and lots and lots of time. It will take lots and lots and lots of prayer. It will take lots and lots and lots of patience. It will take lots and lots and lots of unconditional love. It will take lots and lots and lots of God's intervention.

We got to have lunch with Missy and Kevin yesterday at a pizza place near their apartment. This was the first time to actually meet them, but Missy and I shared a nice, big hug instead of a handshake. I don't know about them, but to me it seemed like we were old friends that we had known for years. I'm already looking forward to our next visit with them.

We weren't going to visit Vera yesterday. We decided we would take a day of rest, read, pray, regroup and be back on Monday. But in reading the books, Jon and I both decided we needed to see Vera. We didn't want her to think that her behavior the day before changed anything. We love her and we're in this for the long haul. A little misbehavior doesn't scare us! So after lunch with Missy and Kevin, we headed to the orphange. Admittedly, I was a bit apprehensive about another visit. It's very hard for me not knowing what to expect from one visit to the next. But I am so thankful we went. The visit went very, very well. And...Vera sat in my lap...for the first time. Physical touch has been interesting with her. We've noticed that in the mornings, she pushes our hands away if we try to rub her back or put our arm around her. She pushes me away more than she does Jon. In the afternoons she doesn't seem to mind touch as much. Yesterday she found the bubbles in my backpack and I opened them up. She was bent down in front of me and I thought I would just try pulling her into my lap to see what would happen. I was expecting her to push me away and say, "Nyet." Instead...this happened. She smiled. She relaxed. She stretched out her legs a little more and got comfortable. It was wonderful!

It ended up being a very lovely visit.

Glory to God!

Trust

2011-06-13T06:17:00.000-04:00

Trust is happening. Slow but sure. Vera is figuring out we can be trusted.

We arrived for our morning visit today to find that Vera was not in her room. The caregiver motioned that she was outside. She wasn't playing on the playground when we walked in, so we set off to find her. We passed the playground where we've been spending our afternoon visits and there was no sign of her. A lady saw us and motioned to us to come over. We did and asked, "Vera?" She motioned for us to walk around the building. So we did. We passed a few groups of kids taking a walk with their caregivers. Finally, we saw/heard Vera's group. Two caregivers had 8-10 children out for a walk. We immediately agreed that Vera was not going to want to leave her group. But surprisingly, as we walked up, she smiled at us, walked to us and gave us each a kiss. It was totally prompted by a caregiver, but we didn't care. So the rest of the group walked away and we stayed there with Vera.

I should back up a little to yesterday afternoon. We had a snack and then a man came walking nearby. We have seen him almost every day and we think he must be a maintenance man or groundskeeper. He was walking around with the resident dog. Vera struck up a conversation with him and before we knew it, we were following him down a little path. Of course, we had left the camera behind, but how were we to know the photo opportunities that awaited us? The man led us to an adorable little puppy on a lead. Vera was excited with this playful puppy. She got to pet him and play a little and she was just delighted. The puppy chewed on some grass so Vera picked a weed, threw it towards the puppy and said, "Yummy!" She had also said 'yummy' earlier as we shared a granola bar. She knows what it means now. The puppy walked away and Vera wanted it to come back. She started the whiny voice and was saying the puppy's name followed by "pazhalsta". Please, puppy, come here. She whined and begged, but the puppy didn't come back over. And then it was time to leave.

Back to this morning...when we found Vera's group they were all standing there watching the puppy. When Vera came to us and grabbed our hands, she started towards the puppy and her caregiver obviously told her she couldn't go to it. I understand why they don't let the kids play with the puppy. With 2 caregivers and 10 children, control would quickly be lost and it would be difficult to reign them all back in. So the fact that Vera got to pet the puppy yesterday must have been quite something for her.

Since she couldn't go play with the puppy, Vera unzipped my backpack and found the snack Jon had put in there for her. Our first day here we had asked if we could bring her snacks. We were told it was okay, but they preferred if we didn't. Vera gets plenty of food and they don't want her to get fat. Well, there's no worry about that, so we've been bringing snacks the past few days. Usually a granola bar. Yesterday we brought her Oreos and a juice box. That was a real treat.

Vera's morning 'do.'

We have heard/read that a great way to build trust and promote bonding in adoption is to feed your child. Not just put food in front of them and let them feed themselves, but to actually put the food into their mouths. It reinforces that we can meet her needs. I remembered this yesterday and told Jon we should try it. I didn't know if we'd have this kind of opportunity since Vera feeds herself and has for a long time. And she loves to be independent. Would she say 'nyet' and take the food from our hands? Or would she let us do it? So, she found the granola bar and we found a place to sit and eat it. Jon broke it up a little, took a small piece and went to put it in her mouth. She tried to take it, but Jon motioned for her to open her mouth. She did and he put the bite in her mouth. No problem. She ate the whole granola bar like that. With us putting the bites in her mouth for her. After the granola bar, she went back to my backpack and found my stash of pistachios. I opened one up for her and put it in her mouth. She ate many pistachios and every one she let me put in her mouth. At one point she said, 'mmmmmm.' They were yummy!

She rifled through my backpack again and found my pouch with my credit cards and license. Her reaction when she found these was so funny! She sucked in her breath like she had just stumbled onto something wonderful. She wanted to keep them. But she didn't argue when I told her they are mama's.

After this it was time to take her back to her group, and it was starting to sprinkle.

We got inside and went to the stairs. Sometimes Vera will hold one of our hands going up or down the stairs. The other hand always holds onto the rail. Usually, though, she says 'no' to our offer to hold her hand and she uses both hands on the rail. Today, she grabbed Jon's hand and started up. Her other hand did not touch the rail. With Jon holding one hand and me behind her with my hand on her back...we were her safety net today. No need to hold the rail. Mama and Papa will not let her fall.

Trust is beginning.

We got to her room and without prompting from anyone, she gave us each a hug and kiss and said, 'paka.'

It was a very good visit and we are thankful.

Music and Balloons and I Love You's

2011-06-12T14:43:00.000-04:00

We arrived at the baby home yesterday afternoon to see Vera with

two awesome pigtails! Isn't she just too cute for words?!

As she did earlier in the day, she went right for my backpack...

and found my airplane headphones.

Jon hooked them to his phone and turned on some music for Vera.

But she wanted to share the experience.

She finally looked at a few flashcards.

I've been trying to get her interested in these for days.

And then we went outside.

It was another tank top and underwear day, but we

were thankful her caregiver put something else on Vera to go outside.

Vera's arms are quite strong. And she loves to hang like a monkey.

When we got to the playground, there were many adults and children there.

It turns out that the adults are part of a church ministry

that come to the baby home to play with the kids.

They brought candy and balloons and shared with Vera.

I promise that in the above photo, Vera is very excited and laughing.

She loved the way Jon made the balloon pop into the air.

She even tried to do it herself...

several times.

I recognized the group that was there playing with the kids from a photo my new friend, Missy, had posted on Facebook yesterday. Missy and her husband Kevin are here in Nikolaiv adopting a boy that used to live in Vera's baby home. He is now in an older child internat. Missy and Kevin had dinner with this ministry group a few nights ago. I knew one of them spoke English, but didn't know which one. I kept hoping one of them would hear us talking and come introduce themselves. It turns out that the one person in this group who speaks English was not there yesterday. At one point, one of the women, in very broken English, put her hand over her heart with one hand and asked us, "You...(she pointed up with her other hand) God?" "Da, da. We love God." She was quite excited about this news and went and told the others. Missy had called when our visit was almost over. When I came back to the sandbox Jon asked who had called and I said, "Missy." Two women from this group got excited and said, "Oh...Missy...more words we didn't understand." They asked us if we know Missy and Kevin. Da, da. Anyway, one of the women had a conversation with Vera while we were playing in the sandbox yesterday. She got my email address from Missy and I got an email from her today. She said it seemed like we didn't understand Vera very well and she wanted us to know about their conversation. It is SO sweet and I'm so thankful she shared it.

Vera had told another little girl, "This is my mama and she came only for me."

Oksana (who had the conversation and sent me the email) asked Vera if she loves her parents.

Vera said 'yes' and Oksana asked her again. Then Vera said (to us, but we didn't know it because she was talking in Russian), "Mama and Papa, I love you."

We heard Oksana saying something about "I love you" in English, but had no idea what they were talking about. She was trying to get Vera to say it in English but Vera wouldn't do it.

That's okay.

It's enough that she said it in Russian.

Dumping the Backpack

2011-06-11T14:25:00.001-04:00

It was stormy this morning...rain and thunder.

So we were stuck in the hallway again.

But it wasn't as hot as yesterday.

The kids were all in tank tops and undies again.

We didn't really do much...

Vera took everything out of my backpack for an inspection.

And then...

she discovered...

our in-country cell phone.

What a find!

At one point, while Vera was pushing the buttons on the phone,

it rang!

She was surprised and so delighted about that.

It was an unknown caller, so we didn't answer.

"Alo-ah?"

Who is it?

It's for papa.